Friday, August 14, 2015


As birth mothers, we face those milestone moments in our child’s life in a very different way than other mothers.  There is the normal excitement as our children grow and learn new things, but there is also a deep sadness and longing because we are often not there to witness these things first hand.  It is easy to feel left out of our children’s big moments because we are not the ones who get to see these things happen and experience the joy of these moments with them.
School Bus
The time is coming in my son’s life for another one of  these milestones, and I can’t help but have a heavy heart knowing I will not be there to witness it.  Aidan is starting Kindergarten this year.  I am beyond excited for him to begin his journey with school and enjoy all the fun things he will get to do and learn.  I just wish I was the one who would be walking him into his classroom and holding back tears as I had to leave him on his first day.  I know I will get pictures, and I enjoy having the opportunity to see these special events, but it is in no way the same as actually being there.  While I am so thankful for the pictures and I always want more, in some ways it can make it harder at times.  It gives me the chance to see even more clearly the joyful things I am missing out on.

I cannot believe how fast my baby boy is growing.  It is hard to believe we are at another milestone in his life and he will be starting kindergarten in just a couple of weeks.  It seems like just yesterday he was still here inside and with me at every moment.  It is hard knowing that I am not there with him, and even more so, that these moments are no longer meant to be for me.  I gave all of those moments away the moment I choose what was best for him.  I am beyond blessed to still be included in so many moments of his life, yet it doesn’t take the pain away when I am not with him.  So I will allow myself to feel sad and happy on that day.  I will smile at the thought of my sweet boy with his backpack all ready for school for the first time, and I will cry that my hand is not the one that he is holding. 


  1. Yes, this is it exactly! No one else gets it. They see the great relationship and think it must be perfect. But you explained it perfectly that sometimes the pictures just provide a clearer picture of what I am missing. I love the pictures but they hurt sometimes.

  2. It still hurts17 years later, for me. It gets easier o handle, but it doesn't stop.

  3. thank you both for commenting. We all share a special bond through our unique pain. Stay strong!! <3