Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Good for the Soul

Holding hands

As I mentioned in my post last week, I just had a visit with my son this past weekend. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for these bimonthly visits with him. We had the opportunity to spend a full day doing exciting things and spending priceless time with him. While there are definitely some hard moments during visits, they are so life-giving to me and my family. We treasure each and every moment and carry them with us until we are able to visit again. It is so amazing to be able to watch Aidan as he grows and to see the growing relationship between him and his sisters, my parents, my husband, and of course, with me. I think the feelings surrounding a visit can only be understood by birth mothers who are involved in an open adoption. There are unique relationships with each situation, but I believe there are similar feelings for us all. I am still at a place of greater peace following my visit, and for me, I am just trying to enjoy this time and know that I have just seen my beautiful baby and shown him all my love, and I cannot wait to see him again.

There are always special moments between Aidan and I on each one of our visits. As he has gotten older they are fewer, mostly because he is so busy and excited to run and play he is not as interested in cuddles and sweet talk. However, I am always so blessed by the times when we share a special look with each other in which our eyes meet, and it is as if he understands everything I feel and our hearts are one. When I hold him in my arms and he locks his arms around my neck it is as if the world stops for a second. There is nothing better. I see his love for me and my family when I watch him interact with my girls. He constantly reaches for my sweet Ava’s hand, and they laugh and play together like they have never been separated. He laughs and plays with my younger daughter Olivia and gives her the sweetest hugs at random. I have no doubt that he feels a special connection with his sisters, and this brings me great joy. I can see the love in his eyes, and no matter how confusing things may be, or how our relationship grows and changes over the years, I am confident in the love that we have shared. We have so many memories together already. We share something I cannot explain, but it is beautiful. Each time I have the chance to be with him it gives me strength for the times when I cannot. He is everything to me. He is my angel. He is my girls’ “bubba.” He is a gift. I am so blessed to watch him as he grows and to continue to share my love with him.

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