Tuesday, November 25, 2014

My Ultimate Frustration

So, it's November.  November, among other things, is national adoption month.  A friend of mine, who is a photographer, posted a list of twenty photos celebrating national adoption month.  Of those, about two were domestic adoptions that were the result of custody battles and divorces.  All the others were international adoptions.

Okay, before I get scolded, I have no problem with either kinds of adoption.  I agree that people who get divorced and then end up with blended families, should be able to adopt their step children.  I also agree that there are children in other countries who need homes and the opportunities that this country can provide.

That said, my frustration is mainly in that the adoptions we hear about the most are those that happen in blended families or international adoptions.  Adoptions like the ones that we know of?  I hear about them at birthmother support groups.  I hear about them on this blog.  I hear about them when I look really hard for them.  I hear about them when I share my story and people find the courage to speak up as well.  I don't hear about our stories on TV, on the news, in the movies, or in books.  Not most of them anyway.

So right now, I'm just frustrated.  I'm frustrated that our society is one that keeps us quiet.  I'm frustrated that people like us get painted as drug addicts, screw-ups, and women who abandoned their children.  At least this is what it feels like right now.  That's what I keep seeing.  And it's so incredibly frustrating to me right now.

What's worse is that this will be something that will have to change over time.  I know that the best idea is to remain patient and work as we go along.  We're only a few people.  And even as I write this, I feel like a bit a of a hypocrite because I am not open about my son on my own Facebook page due to various family that I don't want to know about happened.  How can I call for people to be open when I'm barely open myself?

Sorry all, just very frustrated this week.  Feel free to vent your own frustrations on here.  I know I've been frustrated about this for days now.


  1. Preach, Sister, Preach!
    I placed domestically, twice, with the same family. The family I have in them is like nothing I could have ever fathomed it would be when I made the decision to place. They are amazing, and two of my greatest friends.
    I get so scared to tell people, though, because the second I mention I placed, there is a look of pity that instantly comes over the person I chose to confide in.
    I truly feel every adoption story is unique, and every adoption story matters.
    I also strongly feel that not all adoption stories are what the media and society chooses to believe. My story is not a Lifetime Special, and I am not ashamed to tell my story.
    Society has put me in a box of vulnerability and irritation, and I'm sad about that, because my story matters.
    Keep fighting the good fight!

  2. Amen, sister! Couldn't agree more