One thing I did not initially think about when I decided to
place my daughter for adoption was how my friends were going to act and the way that
friendships evolve and even end because of adoption.
When I first found out I was pregnant the only person who
was really on my side was my best friend Kari. She listened to me and did her
best to help me get through one of the hardest choices of my life. Even though
she was hesitant of my choice, she was there for me no matter what. Our friendship has grown through the birth of my little girl and we are closer than ever. She was there for me no matter what and continues to be to listen to me whenever I need someone.
There were other friends however weren't as supportive. The
little comments of "why would you do this" and "you could make
it work" are so heartbreaking to hear during your time of need. Or even in
the beginning when friends tell you that continuing the pregnancy is a mistake.
Some friends act this way because they are worried for you, but some just flat
out think you are wrong for doing this and those are the hardest ones to deal
with.
After the birth of my daughter I had a close friend make
negative comments about people who chose to have more children post placement.
It was her opinion that the child placed for adoption will become extremely
jealous of the children that are parented later in life. It was almost as though she felt
that people who place should not have any more children in the future. It really upset
me that someone so close to me could say such hurtful things about a choice
that was so difficult to make. Yes, I want to have more children some day and I
do not need anyone around telling me that I am selfish for having more
children.
Since the birth of my daughter I have limited myself from
the people who try to put down my decision and my relationship with my best
friend has grown through this choice. I have also had other friends who have
rose to the occasion and become extremely supportive and love hearing about the
updates almost as much as I do.
It's not always easy to distance yourself from the wrong
people though. During this time I felt like I needed these friends and maybe I
was in fact making a bad choice. In the end however I had the realization that
I was making the best choice for my child and I, and anyone who didn't think so
could just go away.
you how to live your life, and
honestly this is your decision and no one else is going to have to live with
the aftermath in the same way you will. The one piece of advice you I wish I had heard earlier was
to surround yourself with people who want to help. Be with people who love you and
are there for you no matter what. Placing a child is no easy task, and having
people around who are putting you down only makes it harder.
Have any of you had friendships grow through the placement of a child? Have you ever had a friendship dwindle or even end?
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