Tuesday, September 30, 2014

BMB Reform Blog: K's Thoughts

Hello again everyone!  I'm back with another reform blog.  This time I have another interview with a very good friend of mine, who wishes to go by "K".  She is a wonderful, smart woman who has been
through a lot and has a very valuable story and voice in adoption reform.  Here we go!

Please tell us your name and a brief intro to your story.  
I placed my daughter at birth in 2012 in what was supposed to be an open adoption, and after a lot of family and agency coercion. The adoptive parents decided just three months into the adoption that they didn't want it to be open, and I have not seen my daughter since she was eight days old.

Are there any aspects of adoption you would like to see changed? 
Yes! There are so many misconceptions about adoption, and about every member of the triad. There are many inaccurate stereotypes about birthmothers.  For many mothers, they were heavily coerced when pregnant, or outright lied to in order to convince them to place their child.

What does adoption reform mean to you and why do you think it's important? 
Adoption reform is so important, because every woman facing an unexpected pregnancy deserves to know her rights and her options. So many people assume birthmothers are either selfless saints for doing something so hard, or are awful people who didn't love their children, and neither stereotype is completely accurate. It is important for agencies to change their ways, and for adoption to go back to what is was supposed to be about, which is finding homes for children who need them. It should have never become what it is today in a lot of situations, which is finding newborns for couples who want them, and convincing the original mother she doesn't deserve her baby. It is immoral and unethical, and I wish people would understand that many of us did NOT have a choice in placing. There are some “good” adoption stories, but even with those, there is still a grieving birthmother missing her child. I really wish people would just understand about agencies’ tactics to get women to place;
about the lies many birthmothers are told while pregnant; about our loss being a very real thing that we have every right to grieve over; and the fact that our children do not automatically have a better life as adoptees, just a different one.

This is your space to write any additional comments, link to your blog, etc.  Anything you would like to share!
 Here is a link to my blog here.

My three most recent posts talk about the stereotypes about adoption and birthmothers, and some misconceptions the public has about adoption.

Thank you so much, K, for your insight!

If you or anyone you know would like to be interviewed for this section, or if you have an important reform topic you would like discussed, please feel free to email me!  I look forward to hearing from you!

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