Friday, August 30, 2013

How and Why I Chose to Proceed with an Open Adoption

When I first went to the adoption agency, we discussed a future contact agreement (FCA). You know, like if I wanted to see Micah, visit with him, pictures, emails, the works. At first, I was questioning it. Did I really want to see him with his new family? Would it bring up "healed" wounds? I had no clue. But what I did know is that I had tons of questions growing up about my own birth parents. Yep! I'm adopted! But that's a different story. 

The one thing I didn't want for Micah is any loose ends. Any questions he had, I or S&H would answer. So I decided to opt for an open adoption. He would know everything about me and some information about his birth father when he was ready. Only when he's ready. I don't want him to be overloaded with too much information at a time when he's not fully prepared. I mean, like it or not, adoption is a hard thing to process for anyone. I didn't want any answer or explanation coming across the wrong way. For example, "I wasn't ready for you" can easily come across to a five year old as "I didn't want you to ruin my future". It's a thin line for any adoptive family to maneuver around. But it can be especially detrimental to the birth mother's relationship with their biological child. 

It's hard to know how to "enforce" an open adoption and it's important to note that open adoption isn't legally enforceable in most states. By nature, I'm an extremely impatient person, so if S and A don't email me back within a few weeks, my mind  always gets the best of me. "Why aren't they emailing me back? Ugh, what is going on!!? How can they do this to me! I have a right to know what is going on with my child! Wait, what if something happened... Is everyone okay?! Oh my gosh, what if Micah is hurt!?" See what I mean? It's ridiculous. But my mom says that's the "mother" in me coming out. 

Mainly, I just wanted Micah to know who I am and why I did what I did. I've been dealing with abandonment issues my whole life, and the last thing I want is Micah to feel that way. I've dealt with depression my whole life, too. He should never have to feel like I felt at my lowest point. By having an open adoption, I'm hoping he won't have to feel the pain I felt from not knowing my own birth mother. 

How did you chose what kind of adoption you have? Leave a comment below! 

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. i was 18 when i become pregnant, had son at 19 the father and i were in a off again on again relationship, i new from the 1st moment i wasnt ready i chose open adoption, because my mom had 2 children with in a yr of ea other brfore my parents married with a married man well then were adopted thankfully by the same family, lived 50 miles away from us, my mom never new were they were, it was private, my sister came looking for my mom and she agreed we are all happy, but i didnt want my son to ever wonder why it happened, or anything about me, he is 20 now and he has a 10 yr old brother my youngest son Jalen. i recommed open adoption alot, and make sure its done here in america! thanks for reading my story...Bydell formally from nj now in Jacksonville Fl