Friday, August 2, 2013

Coping with Anger

Last week we talked about the basics of anger. While the subject felt a little dry to me, you all seemed to receive it well. What one thing did you try this week to let go of your anger? What have you tried in the past? What did you see on the list that you haven't tried before but want to try? I think getting healthy takes a combination of different things and a willingness to try something new.

For example, when my birthdaughter announced to me out of the clear blue that she had found her birthfather, Chris, and connected with him, I was at a total loss. I actually had to get off the phone because words would not come. I was shocked. Shocked. Hurt. Surprised. And oh-so-very angry.

Being 20 years post-placement at the time, I thought I was past all of that. I thought I had dealt with that stuff and nothing could surprise me. But then those words popped out of her mouth and I was in a tailspin. For days.

I did recover, but it took work on my part. New work. I wasn't able to get by on the work I had already done. I had to find new ways to deal with this, this whatever it was I was feeling. Which wasn't easy decades later. I was not only older, but I had grown up. I was married. Educated. Different.

But yet I needed to go back and work through teenage thoughts, feelings and emotions. I remember feeling so lost for a time, like my compass had been broken. I journaled. I sat in silence. I talked to God, to my sister, and to my husband which was different for me. Of course my husband knows about Chris and Katie. But to talk to him about the specifics from all those years ago was weird yet helpful.

That's what I'm talking about. That part was new to me. But I tried it. And after a while there came peace. Restoration. Resolution? Not sure. Chris may be part of her life, but he's not a part of mine. I get to make that choice.

So this week, think outside the box when anger appears. Of course do what works. We all have our go-to tools. But sometimes new situations call for new tools.

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