I've started reading through Sarah Young's book Jesus Calling each day and it's amazing how God continually finds me right where I'm at. While obviously written years ago and not about me or my life, I am constantly finding myself in the pages.
For those of you unfamiliar with her writing, she writes as though Jesus were actually speaking. While criticized for "putting words in the mouth of Jesus", she has taken her own reflection and meditation times with God, written them down, and compiled them into a book. As far as I know, she is not pretending nor professing to be Jesus.
The page for earlier this week keeps sticking with me, maybe because it explains part of my path. She writes,
"I am a God who heals. I heal broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts, broken lives and broken relationships. My very Presence has immense healing powers. You cannot live close to Me without experiencing some degree of healing."
While I now see adoption as a gift, it could have easily destroyed me. If I would have allowed the bitterness and anger over my situation to stew and stew, it would have eventually consumed me.
The years between placement and healing were long, drawn out times full of bad decisions and poor coping methods. While I knew Jesus as my personal Savior, I was a young and immature Believer without a guide to teach me how to live out my faith.
In between those bad decisions and attempts to deal with my pain, however, were bursts of light. A counselor who heard me. A boyfriend whose family took me in and cared for me. A church that taught the truths of the Bible in a way I could relate to my life. Sunday school teachers who did the same and walked with me down some yucky roads. Friends who were not freaked out by my story (finally!!) and stuck by me.
God can heal you. He can restore you to wholeness. I know it feels like that can never happen, and while you won't be the same person you were before, he can make you new. Better. Healthy.
I am no where near the person I once was. And I'm no where near the person I will be one day. But oddly enough on my way to healing, I'm actually becoming more like myself. More true to myself. More comfortable in my own skin. I owe it all to Jesus Christ, the God of the Bible. I asked him for help, and he answered.