Anticipation

Anyone else out there remember the old Heinz ketchup commercial? I can't hear this word without singing the song in my head.

For those of you that don't remember, it was an annoying tune with just a few words. "Anticipation is making me wait." Argh. How true that has been for me recently.

My October has been all planned out for months. A long visit from a relative followed by an out-of-town women's retreat. No wiggle room. No time for anything extra. Just a packed-to-the-gills month that I was SO looking forward to.

But it all went away. Plans fall through, events get postponed. I know all of these things. But my heart is having a hard time catching up. I'm sad. I was mad for a little while. I don't understand.

As a birthmother I can remember the time we were invited to my birthdaughter's wedding. It was such an honor and we were SO excited. That didn't happen either. One thing I've learned about myself is that while I enjoy things like vacations and time with friends, another thing I enjoy almost as much is the anticipation. The planning. The daydreaming. The looking forward to.

I'm recovering. I have allowed myself ample time to wallow this weekend. Now I'm trying to get back up on the horse that is my life and take a look at my calendar - my very empty calendar - and not think of what could have been or should have been but what can be.

How about you? What are you anticipating?

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