Monday, July 26, 2010

Choosing a Family

That cutie right there? Yeah,that's Blake again, which must mean I am back! I can't believe it's time for post number two, and yet here I am nervously typing to you again.

This week I think we shall talk about...hmmm...why I chose the family for Blake that I chose. I know I said in my other post that I just felt it from the beginning, but I guess it was a bit more complicated than that. I have been thinking about this today more than most days because I am in a birthmother group here in Seattle and there is a woman there who is pregnant and considering (leaning heavily towards) placing. She actually asked us last night how we knew we had chosen the right families.Short of God brought them to me (I am not a faith-full person) I actually had to think about it for the first time.
I knew that H & T were very stressed by their inability to have children of their own, as most acouples are. Wait, I should start at the beginning, makes things more logical I suppose. So H (adad) was Erik (biodad)'s boss. Erik went to H one day confused and told him about our situation. After H found out we were considering (really, had decided on) adoption, he gently told Erik that he and T were also considering adoption, just from the other end of the spectrum. H &T are very hard working, down to earth people. Each comes from a big family, where there is no shortage of love. I knew that I wanted my child to go to a home where he would know the value of hard work, not be spoiled for spoiled's sake. Does that even make sense? I hope so. H & T have been together since high school, I knew that this was not a new romance, but something seasoned, that was ready for the struggles of a child.

When Erik and I would make the 5 mile trip to their house for my (almost) weekly visits, there was no awkwardness. Yes, I was pregnant with what could be their child, but they also knew I was a person. That meant the world to me. I actually remember telling them that they could only have Blake if I could tell everyone H was my baby-daddy. I know its corny now, but we were that comfortable. T came to every one of my doctors appointments and was very excited for everything. I knew that she would love Blake. I guess the real reason I knew that they were the family for my son was that they had waited so long, weathered so much together, and yet could still laugh about it. I have told this story a thousand times, but what really cemented it was when I was at the hospital in labor and Erik, T and I had two minutes alone together. T looked at me, and with all the love in her heart, said 'If you guys decide you can't do this, you can have our baby stuff." I knew she wanted this baby, but at that moment, I knew she wanted the best for him, no matter where he was.

I know now that they are the right family because Blake tells T that she is his best friend, that when he grows up he wants to be just like H. Little things like that break my heart but heal it all at the same time.

How did you ladies know?


  1. I had looked at tons of family profiles and never seemed to find the right family. I always thought I would "just know" when I found the right one. I was away at college (I was 19) and my mom called me letting me know our adoption facilitator sent more biographies of potential families. At this point it was the end of December and Brianna ended up being born February 24th. My mom said she had found a family she thought I would really like but didn't want to share her feelings and wanted me to choose for myself. My sister came down that same weekend and chose one family in particular as well. It ended up that we all chose the same biography. That weekend my mom, sister, and I all got on the phone and talked to them for about two hours. We agreed to meet at a mutual location (they lived about 2 hours away). My mom, the birthfather, and the potential adoptive parents and I had a wonderful dinner together. During the ride home I said I knew they were the ones. The feeling I was looking for finally came and in my heart I knew I found the parents for my little girl. A few days later I got to make the call and share the good news with the new parents-to-be. They were, of course, elated and a bond between our family and theres was quickly formed. I have never doubted one single moment the choice I made. I am proud to be a birthmom and am glad to be part of a unique open adoption family.

    Kristen Goerzen

  2. Choosing a family is not as easy as some people think. Choosing a family for your child is one of the the most important thing you will ever do.My story is so similar to others. The family was heaven sent. I had went on line to check out prospective parents. The adoption agency had a web site, so I thought at least I would take a look to see a few of the available families. I saw a couple that sparked my interest. She was adopted!! That got me to thinking "how perfect for my child". They would have that connection, she would be able to relate to him about adoption. I didn't choose this couple because of a few other issues but it helped me to determine that the couple I chose would have to be adopted, either the husband or wife.When I made that list of wants in adoptive parents this was #1. I was told that this is highly unlikely so what other things did I want etc... I stood my ground & hoped they were out there somewhere. My caseworker was getting ready to go on vacation & she said I needed to try & look at other couples again. Little did she know that a couple had just been approved through the agency & the wife was ADOPTED!! The adoption agency I used has a few offices so they put profiles in the "book" so All workers from All offices can select from them. My worker was given a heads-up to this couple & she called me & actually over-nighted the profile to me, so no other person could choose them. (she was going on vacation).As soon as I opened the envelope, I knew!! They were the couple I was waiting for!!! The rest is history!! They are awesome & have fulfilled my expectations.We have an open adoption & being that mom is adopted she "gets it"..I do believe that they were hand picked for me!!