Sunday Inspiration: Two Women

I love this poem written by an adoptive Mother. I thought I'd share it with you for this week's Sunday Inspiration. Enjoy!

Two Women

by Lori Coleman

Two women cry into the night,

their eyes are filled with tears.

Oh God why is this happening?

I need to feel you near.

One woman sits alone in the darkness,

Decisions she must make.

She wants to do what's best for the child,

It's life she cannot take.

The other woman clings to her mate

And she doesn't understand

why they can't have a child of their own

as so many others can.

These women come from different worlds.

Their lives are miles apart.

But God would deliver the pain they felt

and heal their broken hearts.

And then one precious morning

their lives became intertwined.

Both women's prayers were answered

as they felt God's plan unwind.

One woman touched her newborn's cheek

and whispered to the babe,

"Because I love you little one,

sacrifices I've made."

With the strength she felt from heaven,

to the other woman she gave

the miracle of a baby

for her to love and raise.

The other woman looked down

at her precious baby's eyes

and thanked God for the woman

who had helped fulfill her life.

Two women pray into the night

and thank the Lord above

for the opportunity he's given them both

to feel a Mother's love.

Photo Credit

Visit Etiquette by Guest Blogger Leigh

If you are in an open adoption, you probably know that often it seems like we walk a fine line when it comes to visits. How often? Where? Will be by ourselves? Will there be a group op people around? Do we just spend the time with our kids and ignore everyone and everything around us? Do we go into a “zone” and forget that there is even anyone around? I know for me, I walk a fine line. I want to spend as much time with Jessica but I don’t want to ignore those people around me.

Here are a few simple tips that one can do to help the visits go easier.

• Show up on time. If you are going to be late, call and let them know.

• Don’t show up late and expect them to be overjoyed to see you if you haven't called.

• Don’t cancel. Especially at the last minute unless of course, something has come up and you can’t help it such as family emergency, car broke down, etc..

• Spend time with the adoptive parents. Yes, you are there to see your child but you need to have a relationship with the adoptive parents so include them in the play time and conversation.

• Respect their parenting choices and decisions. We may not agree but they are raising the child so it is their decision and schedules.

• Be flexible when setting up the visit. Jessica is a busy little bee so Louise’s’ time is limited so I am open to when she has time or an afternoon for us to get together.

• Be prepared if their schedule changes. Yes it happens and it stinks but realize that you will get another visit.

• Bring lots of film if you don’t have a digital camera. Include the adoptive parents in the pictures. Have someone take a picture of you and your child. Have another one taken of you and the adoptive mom. I have a few of those and they are extra special to me.

We just need to remember that if we get along with the adoptive parents then our children won’t feel pulled in any direction. If we show the adoptive parents respect, hopefully, we get respect in turn and the children realize that they have all these extra people to love them.

Photo Credit

Post Visit Blues

While I treasure the visits I am able to have with my birthson through our open adoption agreement sometimes after a visit, I feel a sense of sadness and “let down.” I’ve nicknamed these feelings “the post visit blues.” I’ve also talked with other birthmothers in open adoptions who have shared with me that they too have the post visit blues after a visit. Since I have been dealing with this for six years now, I have come up with some methods of coping that work for me and perhaps they will work for you too.

1. Acknowledge the feelings. It’s important that I acknowledge the feelings I am experiencing and allow myself to feel them. I have learned the hard way that if I don’t acknowledge the feelings now it will only hurt me more in the long run.
2. Write a letter. A few days after a visit, I always write a letter to Charlie. I tell him how much the visit meant to me, I recap things that went on during the visit, and I include pictures from the visit. Mailing the letter is optional. If you didn’t want to mail it, you could put them all in a box to share with your child one day.
3. Scrapbook. I actually haven’t done this in one in awhile but am already sketching out layouts from my last visit in my head. Scrapbooking our time together makes me feel good and gives me an easy way to look back at good memories when I want to.
4. Journal. I recap the visit for myself in my journal writing down what we did, cute things Charlie said, etc. Then as I feel sadness over the next few days, I write about those feelings.
5. Try not to isolate myself. This is the one I personally struggle with. When I am dealing with my emotions after a visit and feeling down, I tend to want to be myself, turn off my phone, and crawl in a hole. While this can be good for me for a little bit, it also could quickly become unhealthy so I usually have to force myself not to hide out.
6. Talk with other birthmothers. No one quite understands what I am feeling besides other birthmothers so when I am dealing with sadness after a visit, I turn to my birthmother friends for support and understanding.

I should also add that although I do not see an adoption counselor or therapist, if you do, you may find it helpful to schedule an appointment after your visit.

Music Monday: The Climb

Blog Button

Many of you have asked for a BirthMom Buds button that you could put on your blogs so I've made one! Feel free to put it on your blog and either link it here to the BBuds Blog or to the main website. 

(Just right click on it, save it to your computer, then upload it to your blog.
Any questions? Ask me!)

Music Monday.

Let's just all pretend it isn't Wednesday.

2010 is "Unwritten"

Many people view the New Year as a clean slate, an opportunity to put the past behind them and start a new. It sounds good to me! I like the idea that the Chapters of 2010 are unwritten.

Talking about it in that perspective, the unwritten chapters of 2010 reminds me of one of my favorite songs, Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. The lyrics in the song talk about starting over and how the future is unwritten.

"Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find"

That’s a really great way to look at things at times, whether it is the start of a new year, a new job, a new relationship, or a new adventure.

Of course, even with new starts, we are going to make mistakes. We are only human. Another part of the song covers that.

"I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way 

The past doesn’t escape us, the issues are still there, the mistakes still haunt us, but at some point, we have to try and move forward, right? "

Personally, it’s hard for me, I try not to beat myself up for the mistakes I have made in my past, but honestly there are times I get down with myself and I do. But then I have to remind myself that those mistakes are in the past. I can’t rewind life and go back and re-do them. I have to try and forgive myself and accept that the past is the past. However, I can control the future, the unwritten chapters in my life. I can learn from those mistakes, share them with others so they might not make the mistakes, and make changes in my life so that I don’t make the same mistakes again.

So, here’s to the unwritten chapter of 2010!

Different Types of Adoption

Confused about the different types of adoption? Check out this post on Amy's blog for a great description of each type.

Music Monday: On the Brightside

2010 Slideshow Photos Needed

We are now accepting submissions for the 2010 slideshow! In case you've never seen one of our slideshows, let me tell you about them. We create one each year featuring our members' and their children. The slideshow debuts at our Birthmother's Day Event in May and then they are on the website afterwards.

If you want to check out past slideshows to get a feel for what they are like, you can do so at the following links:

• A Birthmother's Love (2006)
  
• A Birthmother's Wish (2007)
• A Birthmother's Hope (2008)
• Never Alone (2009)

So, for the 2010 Slideshow we are looking for pictures of you with your child, hospital photos, pregnancy photos, photos of you with birthmother friends, photos of you with your child's adoptive parents, etc. Higher resolution photos are best. Please be sure and include details about who is in the photo when you email it in. Also, sending in multiple photos is fine as it gives us something to choose from so that we can use what fits the song best. We will use at least one photo from each person who submits a photo.

Email your photos to us!

(Edited to add: The link isn't working for some to email their photos in. The email address is birthmombuds@gmail.com!)

Jan Newsletter

The January Newsletter is now up. Check it out here.

Music Monday: Cry Out to Jesus