Saturday, February 21, 2015

Coping 4: Reach Out

The first year of being a birthmother is the hardest.  You have to recover from being pregnant.  You have to go through all the hormones.  You have to settle with all the feelings you and those around you are having.  And on top of all that, your child isn't with you.  They're being raised by someone else and it's possibly the most difficult feeling you've ever had in your life.

But after the first year, things calm down a bit.  Your body starts going back to normal.  Hormones start calming down.  Everyone starts settling into the new reality.  And with any luck, you've seen your child a couple of times and know how they are doing and how well things are going.  Slowly, you start to settle into the way life is going to be now.

And if you're very very lucky, you'll find a great support network like BirthMom Buds or a local support group to attend and other birthmothers to talk to.  There really is nothing much like knowing that you are not alone.  In talking to birthmothers who have been through a lot, I have learned that I am not alone in this.  I have found people I can turn to when my emotions run high and I have to face things like first birthdays and walking and going to school for the first time.

And I have been there for other birthmothers.  Women who are in the very same shoes that I once stood, facing the same decisions and uncertainties that I once faced.  I have been there for them in the aftermath.  I have listened to them in the midst of their sadness and confusion.  And I have told them, I've been in that very same spot.  I know what it feels like.  And you will get through this.  This more than anything has taught me that none of us are alone in this.  There is always someone to give a hand.  There is always someone to lend an ear.  And there is always someone's shoulder to cry on.  Even if it is in person, or over the phone, or across the internet, you are not alone.


  1. Thank you for what you wrote. Have you been to any support groups? Have they helped you? It's so good to meet people you can connect to and meeting other birthmark mom's. I just had my one year since giving my son up for adoption. It's hard everyday. I really want to meet some birth mom's and feel that connection. I'm afraid for Mothers day and how I will react. I miss him everyday. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

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