Thursday, September 2, 2010

You Know What You Know

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own.
And you know what you know. You are the {girl} who'll decide where to go.”

I love this poem/quote! In my opinion Dr Seuss is pretty awesome when it comes to stating simple truths in short quotes. I like this quote and have been thinking about this concept a lot lately.

How many times when you were pregnant did someone voice their opinion about the matter? How many times when you were thinking about placing did you hear an unsolicited remark? For me it was all the time. Every time I turned my head I heard a new opinion. It made things very difficult.

It is so important to keep in mind that no matter what anyone says or does, you ultimately have the choice of what decisions you make.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! Yes! Yes!

    I often think back to this time.
    It's almost surreal for me to look back on that time of judgement. I was more judged during my pregnancy with M than I was when I was using Drugs or Drinking or in Rehab...actually just anything!
    My family was the worst!
    then friends.
    school mates in college.
    my co-workers, who i had only known for a short time then , were the kindest.
    I felt like work was my only safe haven...until i was 9 months along...then it got awkward.
    My family ( everyone was against my decision ) - i only know for certain that my aunt and uncle did this - but i had nowhere to go and my aunt and uncle took me in.
    They led me to believe that I would be safe there with them. My uncle actually showed up at my door of the flop house i was living at and told me to come with him.
    When i got there, i was told i would have to sleep on the floor temporarily. no sleeping bag, no mattress, on the floor. so i did.
    the treatment got got worse.
    i was in pain and asked to sleep on the couch.
    they said no.
    about the time i finally got to sleep in a bed, by the urging of my grandparents, they started a new tactic.
    They called the adoption attorney i was dealing with and told him i was drinking everyday.
    That they should not deal with me b/c the baby would be born with something wrong with it.
    This was absolutely not true. It was awful.
    So, of course, M's adoptive mom believes all this even today i'm sure b/c i have never been able to have a voice.
    M ( my first daughter, 15 now ) sent me a message on facebook a few weeks ago and asked me if i had tripped on acid while she was in my tummy. ( she even used these broke my heart )
    i was dumbfounded. i started to cry.
    I wrote her back and asked why she would ask me something like that.
    she said her mom told her that i did.
    wow. i absolutely could not believe D would tell her something like that.
    do we really deserve all this?
    sometimes i wonder.
    are we birthmothers that are not accepted into the lives and hearts of the adoptive parents of our children doomed for everlasting punishment and rejection?
    it just seems to me that D is doing everything she can to get M to reject me.
    it hurts terribly.
    i know my only option is acceptance.
    hopefully one day there will be more peace.

    Mama K.