This weekend's featured blogger is Maryann from Bright Spotz. I love the quote Maryann has on her side bar and I must share it with you. Maryann defines a birthmother as "a woman who acts in faith, seeks for peace, and hopes for knowledge." Love the definition!
First, Maryann, please tell us a little bit about yourself. (Name, age, where you are from, what led to you making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfy sharing!)
My name is Maryann. I am 36 years old and have lived in
I was 18 and attending my first year of college in
An adoption plan is never easy to make – and never plan “A”. The first thing I considered was what it would be like if I decided to raise my daughter.
I had used all the money I had saved for tuition, books and housing – I had very little left in my savings account. So, I would take her back to
I would need to find a job, and somehow obtain all the baby items I needed, a car, and eventually our own place to live. I would need to pay for daycare while I worked – and if I ever wanted us to be out of poverty level living, I would need to find a way to continue college.
But, if I went to work and college… day care would be raising my baby.
The sperm donor was demanding abortion and threatening to physically do it himself if I did not…… If I brought her home, I would also have to keep her safe from him.
This was NOT what I wanted for my daughter. She deserved to start life in a home where two parents welcomed her and were concerned for her well-being. A home where she would not want for the things she needed and desired. She especially deserved to have a Dad that wanted to protect her and expected to provide for her.
It was a heart-breaking decision to make… I had already chosen a name. Already thought of all the fun we would have together – the things I could teach her, the places I wanted to take her….reading together, going to the zoo, the park. I longed to see her grow up, to hold her, to protect her, and take care of her.
The final factor that led me to an adoption plan, was religion. Because I firmly believed only God knew what was really best for this baby, I asked Him. It was the spiritual confirmation I received that led me to making an adoption plan.
When and why did you begin blogging?
I started blogging in August of this year. My adoption was a closed adoption (because that was the only option at the time) and I stayed out of state to have my baby, so very few people knew I had placed a baby for adoption.
It was very much the mentality of the time that you should “forget about it.” I remember asking the caseworker what it would be like for me if I placed my baby for adoption. Her response was:
“Oh honey, you will forget about it. You will get married, have your own kids, and everything will be fine.”
Well, I didn’t believe her, and I DIDN’T WANT TO FORGET ABOUT IT. However – there was not really anyone to talk to about all the feelings and emotions I had inside. After 17 years, I have A LOT to say!
After attending an Adoption conference this year (FSA), I saw those who are in open adoptions and are able to talk about their experience are in a much healthier state …. I am blogging because I have decided it is time to talk about my adoption experience.
I love the title of your blog, Bright Spotz. Can you share the story and meaning behind your title?
My blog title comes from my journal at the time I was pregnant. There is much shame associated with being pregnant when the world thinks you should not be…. Some people are rude. Some people are opinionated. Some people judge without ever asking the circumstance.
However, I had a few friends who although they did not know where I had gone or why I had left continued to do nice things for me. They sent all kinds of cards, letters, and packages to my Mom’s house which she would forward to me. In my journal I referred to them as the “bright spots in my life”. They helped me to keep going when I felt like giving up.
Has the response to your blog posts been mostly positive or negative or a mix of both?
So, far it has been positive, but I am a brand new blog with not too many followers yet. I realize not everyone loves adoption or is happy with their adoption experience. I am sure at some point I may get a negative response.
Do you have any advice for anyone else thinking of starting a blog?
Do it! It is healthy to talk about your adoption experience regardless of your take on it. In the words of Maya Angelou, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
We just all need to realize everyone’s story is a little bit different. Everyone’s perception of adoption is based on their experience. When we really face the facts, our perception IS our reality. All the experiences and perceptions help us sort out together what adoption really is and how to make it better.
Anything else you’d like to say/share??
Your blog is about your experience…. Stay true to what adoption has been for you. Share the happy and the sad…. I believe adoptions stories have both.