Spotlight Blogger: Meet Katelyn P

Today's featured blogger is Katelyn of "Letters to You."  Let's find out a little more about Katelyn....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

My name is Katelyn. I am 22, and I live in Utah. I'm currently getting my Master's degree in Social Work.  I found out I was pregnant in September of 2008. I was just starting my 2nd year at college and was about a month away from my 19th birthday. The birthfather and I were having some serious issues by the time I found out I was pregnant, but we still tried to make it work for a little while. We were going to LDS Family Services for some counseling and birthparent group. By December I had given up on him and had decided I would just single parent.  In January of 2009, I agreed to look at adoptive profiles through the agency. After a long and torturous few months, and with some divine intervention, I decided I really would place my baby for adoption and picked an amazing family. We spent March, April, and May getting to know each other, and I placed my son in an open adoption the end of May, 2009.

When and why did you begin blogging?

My blog is kind of unique, in that the idea originated as just me posting the letters and emails and journal entries I had written during my pregnancy. I wrote a lot during my pregnancy, and from the first part of January 2009 on, I wrote a journal specifically to my son. I have a journal like that from my mom when she was pregnant with me, just detailing her pregnancy and what my siblings were doing and how they were reacting to having a new baby, etc. It is one of my most cherished possessions, and I decided early on that I wanted all of my children to have the same thing. Because it was written to my son, I wrote a lot about my feelings for him and about the entire process, from deciding to place to picking a family to the day of placement and a few entries post-placement. I wanted to share that story with the world, so I started posting them in about September 2010. Now it's just a place for me to write my adoption thoughts, feelings, and experiences. 

Tell us more about the title of your blog.  Why did you choose it?

The title of my blog is "Letters To You," and given the story behind my blog, it seems pretty obvious why I chose it :)  I started every journal entry to my son with "My son," and ended with "Love, Mom." They were journal entries, but they were really more like letters from me to my unborn child. Because I knew I would be including a lot of other e-mails, conversations, and personal journal entries, I decided to keep it generic, with Letters to You, rather than Letters to My Son.

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

I haven't had much response to my posts :)  Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. I haven't done much to put myself out there in the blog world, so not many people have read my blog. The few comments and responses I have had were almost all positive. I did get into a blog and comment 'war' with someone who had very differing views on adoption than I did, which was interesting. I am extremely welcoming to all feedback, as I really have enjoyed getting to see the other sides of adoption as well. 

I have had the opportunity to remain anonymous through my blog posting, due to some interesting circumstances, until mid-January of 2012 when I decided to finally really own my story and admit that I am who I am, and it's a big part of me, and anyone who has an issue with that will just have to take it up with me directly. I'm a little more afraid of critical feedback now, as I cannot hide behind my initial!

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time?  Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

 
This question is impossible to answer! I love them all, as they all chronicle my story, so I think they're all important. I wouldn't have written them if I didn't.  A must-read would be my first-ever post, since it explains why I decided to start the blog in the first place.  This post explaining to my unborn son why I was placing him for adoption was the hardest entry I ever had to write.  My post about the day of placement was almost as tough.   More recently I did a post about no longer being anonymous, and my favorite-to-date post with a picture that sums up my adoption experience.   Because my story is written through letters, each and every letter is important to understanding the full experience.

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Just do it! If you have something you want to say, just go ahead and say it. If you think you need to remain anonymous, go for it. I did for the first year and a half I blogged, until I really became comfortable enough with myself to claim my story and experiences as mine. Don't worry about not having readers or not knowing how to publicize your blog. If you really want things to happen, they will. It's only lately that I've been featured on a few adoption sites, and I am glad it took this long. You have to really be ready for those things to happen. Also, just be honest. Don't pretend to be something or someone you are not. There is no point in blogging if you're going to blog about a fairy tale experience in a fairy tale world. This is the real world. So write about it!

Quote of the Week: Rollercoaster

"Life is like a roller coaster - it's a bumpy ride full of twists and turns and ups and downs." 

- Unknown

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Book Review: Jessica Lost

Image credit: Amazon.com

Today I’m reviewing “Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption, & The Meaning of Motherhood.”  It’s a well-written memoir by Bunny Crumpacker & J.S. Picariello about the events that led them to reunion and afterward.  I found this book on Amazon.com by putting in the search term of adoption.  I was surprised to see that this book came up toward the top of the list.  I figured I’d have to scroll through a lot of books geared toward hopeful adoptive parents and providing tips for successful adoptions.

The book is very logical and well planned.  It starts from the point of view of Bunny, and then the two women alternate chapters.  Bunny (or Faith, her given name) is the birth mom, and Jessica (or Jill, as her adoptive parents named her) is the adopted child, now an adult.  Their reunion doesn’t happen until Jill is 42, or as Bunny says, “Before she found me, the last time I had seen my daughter was when she was four days old. When she found me, she was 15,391 days old – just over 42.”

The expected heartbreak of both is there, as well as brief mentions of the women finding out that both the agency involved and Jill’s parents lied.  Bunny is married when she conceives Jill and Jill’s birth parents divorce soon after Jill’s birth.  They both make an adoption plan together, though it’s found out later that Jill’s birth father is not Bunny’s ex-husband, but the product of an affair.  When Jill finds out that the man she thinks is her birth father is not, she confronts him and asks why he’s been carrying on a relationship with her if she’s really not his biological daughter.  He says, “I’ve thought a lot about that.  I think it’s because I behaved so damn badly back then.  I want to take responsibility.  I want to be the grown-up I couldn’t be then.”

Jill then states, “It made sense to me, all of it: the drama, the responsibility, the stupidity of these young people who made a baby and messed up their lives and didn’t even know who did it.  I understood what they did, and even why they did it.  In my head it made sense, but in my stomach it was an ache, a pain.  They messed up their lives and messed up my life and really, deep down, I didn’t understand it at all.”  That quote I’m sure resonates strongly with every adoptee in a closed adoption.  I’m certain a large majority of people reading this have come into contact with at least one adoptee that feels this way – feels the logic of the reasons and the agony of the emotions colliding.

Toward the end of the book, Jill loses both Faith and her mom to death.  She says of the loss of Faith, “I know how fortunate I am to have found Faith – not just to have found this missing piece of my life, but to have found this particular person, this remarkable connection, this warm and enriching relationship.”  I think that all birthmothers who are still awaiting reunion want to be thought of by their children this way.

All in all, a wonderful book and an easy read.  The stories told by the women are engaging and engrossing.  I would highly recommend this book.  It gave me still more insights into the world of adoption in general.

Birthday Time

Sometimes I think the greatest thing is the passage of time. If I am in a stage of life that I don't really like, I know it will end. If I'm in a stage of life I love, it keeps me balanced to know that that too will end.

But sometimes I think the hardest thing is the passage of time. Time just keeps on going no matter what. My father passed away almost eight years ago. It has been difficult and emotional dealing with that loss. But what really saddens me some days is that in 20 years, he'll still be gone.

And so it is with Katie, my birthdaughter. This week she turns 25. And just like that, she's a grown up. I've missed all of it. The birthdays, the graduations, the celebrations. I know she's happy. She has a loving family around her. But I've missed that time and can never get it back.

Happy birthday, Baby.

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Music Monday: Somewhere Out There

Quote of the Week: The Next Chapter

"You can't stop the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." 

- Unknown

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Reminders

Just a few reminders....

We are just two months away from our annual retreat! This year's retreat is May 4 - 6, 2012 in Charlotte, North Carolina. We have some exciting and meaningful things planned this year! If you are planning to attend, please don't forget to RSVP. Click here for more details.

We are also still accepting sponsors, door prize and goodie bag donations. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor or donating items, please email us.

We are still accepting slideshow submissions! Click here for more information.

Lastly, we are voting on a song for the slideshow in the forums. If you are member, head to the announcements section of the forums and vote for the song you think fits best!

Spotlight Blogger: Meet Shelby

Shelby with her son & his new adoptive family*

Today's featured blogger is Shelby of "Emotions of Adoption."  Let's find out a little more about Shelby....

First, please tell us a bit more about yourself (name, age, where you live, what led you to making an adoption plan, and anything else you feel comfortable sharing).

My name is Shelby Groat, I live in Northern Utah and I am twenty-one.  I was determined to parent.  I left the birth father while I was pregnant so if I’d chosen parenting, I’d have done it all on my own without anyone else.  I’d have people say to me, “being a single parent is hard, but being blind and a single parent will be much harder.”  I wanted to prove to them that I could do it.  When I was about seven months pregnant, I got a call from the birth father and hung up the phone.  I knew right then I had to place my baby.  My whole attitude changed and I began thinking about my baby and not myself.  With two months left of being pregnant, I started making an adoption plan.  I am now married and loving it. 

When and why did you begin blogging?

I had been thinking about blogging for a while but never got around to it.  In October or November I got connected with another birth mom in my area.  I read her blog and instantly decided I wanted to blog and so I did.

Tell us more about the title of your blog.  Why did you choose it?

It was about midnight when I was creating my blog.  I was tired and couldn’t completely think straight.  I felt that “Emotions of Adoption” would fit me because I planned to write anything and everything I was feeling.  

Has the response to your posts been mostly positive, mostly negative, or a mix of both?

I haven’t had many comments on my posts, but they’ve been positive.  

What post on your blog do you consider a “must read” for people visiting your blog for the first time?  Or what post(s) from your blog is (or are) your favorite(s) and why?

I’m in the process of writing up two posts right now.  One is my plan to place, choosing the family and placement.  The other is about me growing up blind and how I do things.  I think once I post those, those will be good to read.  

Do you have any advice for someone thinking of starting their own blog?

Be honest.  Say whatever you have on your mind, no matter if you think it might be offencive to someone.  Be ready.  You will never know what response you might get, so don’t take everything personal.

*Picture used with permission