Mommy or Birthmom?

Have  you ever noticed that sometimes things come in themes in your life? Like sometimes it seems that I know lots of people struggling with infertility. Or they are all buying homes.

Lately the common denominator is adoption. I think I'll be able to get several posts out of this one week's activity!

My friends from church were selected by an expectant mother making an adoption plan just three short weeks ago. Maybe that's good that they have only been anticipating this for a short time. They connected with the her, attended the birth, and left the hospital with the baby.

But then six days later, she changed her mind.

Twenty years ago, I would have railed on her. I would have told her how wrong she was to change her mind like that. I would have cursed her indecision and chided her for putting such a great family through the ringer.

Funny how time changes everything. Twenty years ago I was a birthmother living with my own pain pushed way down inside. I was so sure of my own decision that I projected that same decision on every other single, pregnant gal.

It's taken more than two decades to show me otherwise. That young lady has every right to change her mind. This is the time to make her decision and stick to it. Admittedly, the time after having a baby is very emotional. But this is one of those decisions that determines and affects the whole course of one's life.

I'm sorry for my friends' broken hearts. I really am. But I'm glad she followed her heart.

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2013 BirthMom Buds Retreat Details

(Click on invitation to make it larger.)

Additional Information

• Hilton Garden Inn and Hampton Inn are adjacent to one another. We will be staying at the Hampton Inn but the BirthMom Buds Mixer and the BirthMom Buds Celebration will be in the Dogwood Room at the Hilton Garden Inn.
• There is no cost to attend the Birthmother’s Day Celebration on Saturday, May 4th. Dinner on Friday night and lunch on Saturday will be provided by BirthMom Buds. Free continental breakfast is provided for hotel guests each morning. You will be responsible for any other expenses including travel, hotel, meals, and activities.
• Hotel rooms are available Thursday, May 2nd, Friday, May 3rd, and Saturday, May 4th at the Hampton Inn at a discounted rate of $109 a night (plus tax). Please call either 1-800-HAMPTON or go to http://www.hamptoncharlotteuptown.com and use group code “BMB.” Rooms must be booked by April 2, 2013 in order to receive the discounted rate. If you are sharing a room with someone, both names must be on the reservation. You must use a debit credit card to book the rooms.
• If you need assistance making travel arrangements please contact our event coordinator, Melanie Mosberg, at melaniemosberg@gmail.com.

You can download a printable version of the invitation here.

We are also seeking sponsors and donations for goodie bags and door prizes. Please email Coley if you'd be interested in helping with this!

The Upside of Down

After Christmas, I bought a new Christmas tree. We have begun having our tree and related paraphernalia in the basement so it doesn't overtake the house. The result of that, is that the main level has no tree. And that's depressing to me. So I stalked out the sales and bought a new one.



Being me, I couldn't wait until next year to put it up. No sirree. So two days after Christmas, I put up a new tree.

Our main tree, the one in the basement, is our family tree. It has multi-colored lights and all sorts of homemade ornaments on it. It also has mine and my husband's ornaments on it from growing up. I get teary-eyed every year reading the labels penned by my grandmother decades before.

But our new tree is 'fancy'. It's pre-lit and has snow, ice crystals, red berries and pine cones on it. It's like we went out to the forest on a snowy day, cut down a tree and brought it inside.

So the couple of weeks around Christmas and New Year's, we enjoyed our new tree. I love it and think it was an excellent purchase.

But invariably, trees have to come down, lights have to be turned off and the house has to be un-decorated. And therein lies the rub.

Now, our old tree, the un-fancy, un-pre-lit one, squishes up every year and goes right back in the box we bought it in.

But not the new tree. Oh no. Not even one section of it would fit back in the box. When I tried, I and the carpet were both covered with fake snow and ice crystals.

My point in this long tale is this: even the most beautiful gifts have a downside. For us, being on this side of adoption often feels like the downside. It feels like we are the ones who have done the most work, made the greatest sacrifice and that now, someone else is enjoying the fruits of our labor.

But even this side has its benefits. Even this side has its blessings. And I don't want us to be so caught up in our pain and focused on our own wounds that we miss it.

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Adoption: A Beautiful Thing?

Recently on Facebook, I came across this link for a blog by Holden McCrackin. I'm not sure I know who Holden McCrackin is, but this post titled Adoption is Such a Beautiful Thing is gripping. I've never heard an adopted person speak with such conviction over being adopted.

Yes, he's still young. And like all of us, he's on a journey that will last the entire course of his life. But in this season, he's satisfied about who he is and where he is.

Since he is the same age as my own birthdaughter, I was particularly interested in his story. I hope you will take time to read it and leave him a comment.

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Resolutes?

Happy new year, friends. If you're like me, just about now you're revving up to get back into the routine, the schedule, the swing of life. It feels like I've been over-sugared, over-visited and out of any sort of structure for a long time.

While some are making a resolution or two, I'm setting my sights on the new year. One thing I'm doing this year is coming up with a word to really ponder and use all throughout the year to keep me focused on the most important things. I haven't yet decided on which word to choose, but I can give you an idea as to the top contenders. Here they are in no particular order:

See - The year brought lots of changes into my family not the least of which was a move across town. While not far in distance, it has been far in other ways. It would be easy to get comfortable in this new bubble, but that's not what I want. I want to see those around me; I want to see need; I want to see things the way they are, not the way I want them to be.

Context - The first semester brought Ancient Rome into the spotlight of our second grade history curriculum. I have been so fascinated by the context that part of history brings to the Bible, how it has changed some things for me knowing what was going on in the real world at the time of Christ's birth, for example. That experience has opened my eyes to the importance of context. I'm not sure what that means to my real life going forward, but I'm curious to find out more.

Resolve - I'm considering this one because my friend is using this word for her year. But I like it. It holds power, promise. It's strong. And it brings to mind determination. It's definitely in the running.

So what about you? What are you doing to prepare for the year ahead?

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