Happy New Years!

Everyone here at Birthmom Buds wants to wish you all a wonderful 2014 filled with growth, healing, love and success!  What are some of your resolutions this year?  What do you hope for your year to be?  

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Music Monday: Home by Dierks Bently

"It's been a long hard ride,
Got a ways to go
But this is still the place
That we all call home.
It's been a long hard ride,
And I won't lose hope
This is still the place
That we all call home."

Quote of the Week: Enlightenment

 

"Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious."

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Relationships After Placement

I don't know about you, but after I gave birth to Micah, all I wanted was someone to hold me in the middle of the night when I was shaking from crying so hard. Knowing that my son was never going to be laying next to me in my bed just made it that much harder feeling like I was all alone. I've been on a few dates since Micah, but nothing clicked like baby daddy and I did. Granted, we weren't dating, but it was the closest thing to it.

Bachelor number one: We'll just call him Mark. Mark and I went on a few dates over the summer of 2012. A mutual friend had set us up, so he knew I was headed off to college in the fall. He was a sweet guy, but dumb as a brick. I know what you're thinking, "Why is she being so harsh on the guy? He was probably just nervous!" I bet he was, but it didn't help his case when he walked to my door wearing a muscle shirt, offering me free tickets to the "gun show". And then he proceeded to tell me he was being scouted to play for the Baltimore ravens football team... while tripping over the sidewalk. Ladies, I wish I was making this up. Needless to say, things didn't work out. 

Bachelor number two: Let's call him Jason. Jason and I started hanging out at college in the fall of 2012. We had a ton of stuff in common, so I was really excited to go out with him! Our first date was pretty awkward, but aren't they all? We went to a pizza place and talked for hours. It was perfection. I was so happy to finally have someone I could talk to about Micah. He completely understood me. Now, I'm the kind of person that always has her guard up and is waiting for the other shoe to drop. But with Jason I didn't have to worry about anything. It felt like we were soulmates. We lived happily ever after, the end (I wish). It was right before winter break. I'd finished my final early, so I went over to his dorm room to surprise him and give him his Christmas present. We'd been dating for about 5 months, so I wanted to get him something special. I spent a months worth of paychecks to buy him a pair of Oakley sunglasses and tickets to an Eagles game. I walked in on him and another girl. To top it off, the girl was my roommate. 

I literally have THE worst luck with guys, and these are just two examples of the dates I've gone on and the douchebags I've met. How's your luck been since placement? Hopefully better than mine! Leave me a comment below and let me know!

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Happy Holidays!

From all the staff here at BirthMom Buds, we want to wish you and yours a happy, safe Christmas season!  We are all aware of how tough this time can be, so please remember to be kind to yourselves and realize it's okay to reach out for support!

If you need to talk, don't hesitate to reach us at 1-855-4mybbud.

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Music Monday: Unconditionally by Katy Perry

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Quote of the Week: Conquering Ourselves

"It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves." 

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Holiday Disappointments

Every year around the holidays, it's hard for my family and I. There's always that space on the mantle where Micah's stocking should be, that last minute holiday party that Micah should be attending, or the Christmas morning joy that we should be experiencing together. This year is especially tough. After going through months and months of medical tests and doctors visits and scary diagnosis', part of me just wants him here even more. I hate the fact that I can only see him during Christmas at an agency party. I hate the fact that I can't watch him open his presents on Christmas morning. I hate the fact that he's not here. I just miss him so much.

Do any of you feel this way around the holidays?

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NOT the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

While many of us are singing carols, dancing around our houses and putting up trees and decorations, it's safe to say that many others of us are struggling with this time of year.

Last Sunday my pastor preached a sermon about how God brought peace into the world in the midst of chaos. If you remember the story in Matthew 2, you'll remember that in the midst wonder and celebration of the birth of Jesus, one man in particular was not celebrating. His name was Herod. And not only was he not happy, but the news that the Christ had been born filled him with murderous rage.

Instead of traveling to see the man that would be king, he ordered every male child under the age of 2 murdered. Killed. Destroyed. He was that afraid that the baby Jesus would grow up and displace him as ruler. Talk about insecure!

Think for a moment about all those moms who lost babies in that rampage. Can you imagine the weeping and wailing that ensued? What a terrible time for the Israelites!

And yet, God had a plan. In the midst of that suffering, Jesus' parents were able to escape to Egypt and keep him safe. And he was able to grow up, die on a cross and come back to life in order to save us from our wrongs.

There is Peace in the chaos. There is Purpose in the hurting. Hang in there. Talk to someone. Reach out to those who have been there and are there and understand. You are not alone in this season or in any season.

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Music Monday: Highway 20 Ride by Zac Brown Band

 

 

"So I'll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why, That I slowly die inside
Every time I turn that truck around,

right at the Georgia line

and I count the days and the miles

back home to you on that Highway 20 ride"

Quote of the Week: Cherish

"Cherish your visions. Cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built."

 

 

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Thinking of Myra

About this week every year, I start thinking about my maternity home roommate. We lost touch a couple of years after placement and despite my best efforts, I have failed to reconnect with her. She was my sanity during such a dark period of my life. She was older than me and such a good friend. I still think of her often and am sad that we have missed so many years together.

Anyway, as the birthday of her birthson comes and goes, I am once again transported to that time and that room in the hospital where I celebrated with her the birth of her son. Before we let our children go to the foster families, we held a dedication service with them. I attended hers, she attended mine.

So I find myself at the same place as I am at this time every year. I still hope to reconnect with her one day.

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Music Monday: I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

 

"I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you'll have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.
And I will always love you."

Quote of the Week: It is Better to Light a Candle..

 

"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness."

 

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Comfort & Joy

I just can't help myself. The month of December starts, and suddenly I have streaming Christmas carols in my head all the time! So I guess that's what I'll be writing about this month.

God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen was written in the 16th century. It uses funny words and phrases we don't use anymore. Here's the first verse just in case you've forgotten:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing you dismay;

Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day;

To save us all from Satan's power when we had gone astray;

O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy;

O tidings of comfort and joy.

And even though I tried my best to find the history of this carol, all I found was that the first line actually means "God keep you, pleasant gentlemen." What I was really going after was the last lines, the tidings of comfort and joy. What did the author mean by that? What did that mean in his day? And what does it mean for us?

My life is not always comfortable. I struggle with my attitude, my emotions and at times, my faith. While I am thankful for my material comforts, a warm home isn't enough to touch my soul down deep when I am troubled. Only God can give me peace and comfort and joy.

This time of year, this carol really speaks to me. I often sing my children to sleep with it during the holiday season. It reminds me that comfort and joy are possible even if I'm not feeling them currently. I pray comfort and joy for you this season.

Happy Christmastime, friends.

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Music Monday: Please Remember Me by Tim McGraw

 

 

 

"Remember me when you're out walkin'
When snow falls high outside your door
Late at night when you're not sleepin'
And moonlight falls across your floor "

Quote of the Week: It's my job to like me!

 

 

"It's not your job to like me – it's mine."

 

 

 

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