We've had a couple of people lately ask what our policy is regarding posting something they have found here on this blog on their own personal blog so I thought I'd take a moment to address that issue.
We don't mind (in fact we are honored) if you like something that you've read her (such as a poem or an article) so much that you wish to post it on your own blog we just ask that you keep the author's name with what you are posting and post a link back to our blog at the bottom of your post stating that this is where you found it.
If you find something on here that you are wishing to post in an agency, adoption group, etc newsletter, please email us for permission.
So, how many of you have a hard time dealing with adoption emotions through the holidays? I am sure all of us who are reading this can raise their hand, and say that we need the counseling more than the next person. How many of you are able to see your birth children over the busy holiday season? When I was still living in Oregon, I never had a visit with Kaylee around the holidays, as they were too crazy. But we would always get together sometime in January right after the holidays. One thing that I do for Kaylee every year is buy her a Christmas ornament and write the year on the ornament. Also I will buy an identical ornament for my own collection and hang them on my tree each year. It just just another way to feel like she is here in my home.
And as if being a birthmom and getting through the holidays isn't hard enough, some of us may be away from our families separated by many miles. How many of us have family traditions that you grew up with and you continue to do them now? I always loved the Christmas holidays in my house. My family would always go to a Christmas concert together sometime in the two holiday months. Then Christmas morning we would all open our gifts together, eat Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls, and in the afternoon go to a movie with extended family members. Still to this day that is what my family does. I am sad to say that this year I will not be home to participate with them.
Here are some ideas on how to get through the holidays:
Buy a new ornament that reminds you of your birth child. Go see a movie with family or friends.
Bake cookies and give them to your neighbors, co-workers, friends, family, etc...
Donate to a Charity that supports adoption, crisis pregnancy, or children in general.
Write a Christmas card to your child and either mail it or keep it for the future.
Donate food to a local food bank.
Serve food at a local homeless shelter.
Journal about your feelings on Christmas Day.
Spend time with family and friends.
Make an appointment to speak with your adoption counselor. (If you have one that is.)
I hope some of the ideas help make your help a little easier! And don't forget to reach out to your birthmom friends or join us in the forums!
Traditions are an important part of any holiday but it can be hard as a birthmother because your child will be participating in his/her adoptive family’s traditions and those may not be the same traditions that you have grown a custom to. But you can create some special traditions as a birthmother.
Coley’s Ornament Tradition
One tradition I’ve created for Charlie is to give him a special ornament each year at Christmas. I originally didn't plan on it becoming a tradition but it has turned out that way.
When searching for something to give Charlie his first Christmas, I came across a really neat Precious Moments Christmas “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament that had a spot to write his name, birth date, weight, and length. I purchased the ornament and thought what a neat keepsake item it would be for him to have one day in the future.
The next Christmas it only seemed natural to give him another ornament, thus it has become a yearly tradition. I plan to continue this ornament tradition for years to come and when he is all grown up and leaves home, he will have years worth of ornaments to put on his own Christmas tree.
Lani's Verse Tradition
I have always loved family traditions and thought it would be great to still have a part of that in my birth child’s life. Since the time she was born I started a neat tradition that I do periodically when I send her gifts. I have a special Bible verse (James 1:17, Every good and perfect gift comes from God.) that is kind of like my thoughts about her.
Over the years I have given her different things that have that special verse on it such as a blanket with the verse embroidered on it, a stuffed bunny with the verse embroidered on it, etc.. One day I hope that she will see the link in all these things and know that time, thought, and love was put into it.
We both encourage each of you to find some sort of tradition that you can do over the years for your child. Even if you are in a closed adoption you could still do something and just save it for the day when you are reunited.