I thought it would be a fun way to kick off the new year by highlighting some of the top posts from 2011.
1. My 10 Favorite Adoption Quotes
Coley shares 10 of her favorite quotes related to adoption.
2. It's Not Easy being Green
Monika cleverly discusses the difficulties involved with being a birthmother.
3. Always in my Heart, Always on my Mind
Alicia discusses how her son is always with her in her heart and shares her plans for a symbolic tatoo in his honor.
4. Pregnancy after Placement
Guest blogger Katelynn shares her personal story and struggles of dealing with a pregnancy years after placing her daughter for adoption.
5. Dear Myra
Terri shares a letter she wrote to her old maternity home room mate.
6. They're Only Words, Right?
Monika discusses terms related to adoption and both their intended and un-intended meanings.
7. Something Within You
Lani shares an inspiring post that she read at the BirthMom Buds 2011 Retreat.
8. How many Children do you Have?
Coley disccusses this seemingly simple question but it's complicated answer for many birthmothers.
9. Not Alone
Guest Blogger Kristin R. shares the powerful feelings she experienced when she realized that she was not alone in her journey as a birthmother.
10. 2011 Slideshow
This post revealing the 2011 slideshow received a lot of hits. (Call for the 2012 slideshow will be coming out at the end of the month so stay tuned for details.)
What was YOUR favorite post of 2011?
Showing posts with label Misc.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Misc.. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Best for You Adoption Book
Kelsey is asking you to consider nominating her book, The Best for You. I had the pleasure of thumbing through a copy of Kelsey's book last year when she donated some copies as door prizes for our Birthmother's Day Celebration. It is written from a birthmother's perspective and talks about how a birthmother just wants the best for her child. It has fun illustrations appealing to a child.
Here's what Kelsey had to say about her book and nominating it:
"I get at least two to three messages a day from folks telling me how much they appreciate the children's book I wrote titled, The Best For You. I love these messages because it tells me that so many have embraced the message in the book that adoption is about the love for a child, not that the child was not wanted. Always touches my heart to hear others talk about how the book is helping them, or their chidlren, understand the mind of a birth mother a little better.
Well, I found this link this morning and thought I would pass it along to all of you. Adoptive Families Circle Magazine is taking nominations for your favorite adoption books and one of the categories is Children's Books. Take some time to click on the link and tell them about what your favorite books are and who knows, you may even win the Kindle that they are giving away!
You can help out this author, who is still trying to get her message to the masses, reach many more people just by entering and nominating The Best For You. It only takes a few minutes, and feel free to pass it along if you like. There are other categories that you can nominate a book for as well, so go take a look and make your opinion heard!"
Go here to nominate Kelsey's book.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Force Is Strong With Us
I had a major epiphany last week. Not like the time I decided my calling in life was to build dollhouses, or when I seriously considered going to clown college, but a real deal epiphany. What was it you ask? Only that the Star Wars trilogy is one of the most touching stories of a birth parent/adoptee relationship ever told! I’m not crazy…I swear!I received a letter a couple weeks ago from Bee’s mom. She was nice enough to include a few of Bee’s school projects. One of which was a drawing of him rocking out on guitar hero with a caption that read, “When I come home I like to play video games”. Me too, Bee!
While I know it’s no crazy surprise that an eight year old digs video games, it still made me happy to know we share a common interest. Being a birth mom I have to deal with the fact that Bee is no longer mine. He won’t grow up with my family traditions. He will never call me mom. He belongs to an entirely different family all together. So I take comfort in knowing that there are things that he and I share that can never be taken away from either of us. He has my smile, my nose, and my crappy vision (much to my disappointment on the latter).
Luke Skywalker is Darth Vader’s son. Even though Luke stays true to himself and the good nature of his adoptive family by rejecting the dark side, he can’t deny his bloodline. His biological make up is the reason why The Force is so strong within him! Watching Star Wars from a birth mom’s point of view makes it so much more than a super rad space adventure. To me, it’s the story of an adoptee finding the balance between nature and nurture.
Of course I never want my son to have to struggle to find himself. I want him to grow up knowing exactly who he is. I want him to feel secure in knowing that he is living the life he was meant to live.
Still, if Bee turns out to be an awesome Jedi, I’ll take the credit for that one!
Cheers!
--Lacy
Monday, January 24, 2011
Standing Tall
When I was about eight years old I went with my mom to visit my uncle. I loved visiting my uncle. He worked on a railroad and he always had great stories about all of his many adventures. This particular visit to his house he had a video for my mom and I to watch. It was a video of a vacant building being imploded. For whatever reason, he was invited by a friend of his to watch (and record) this spectacle. I was captivated. I sat and watched the camera zoom into the structure. I waited patiently for the crowning moment. I listened intently to the hustle and bustle of the workers as they prepared to detonate the structure. Then just like that, it was done. What was once a tall building was now a pile of dust and rubble.
Looking back I can’t help but wonder why I was so captivated by such an event. Maybe I was just a little kid who wanted to see something blow up, or maybe it’s just human nature to enjoy watching things fall. Either way, I can’t help but wonder. What purpose did that building serve? I was never told what it was actually used for. Even if it was just a warehouse used to store items, surely someone somewhere had fond memories of it. What about the people who built it? How would they feel if they knew I took such pleasure in watching the fruits of their labor crumble to the ground?
As birth parents we face unique challenges that other parents do not. While other parents are watching their children take their first steps, we will watch this moment from a distance and some of us won’t watch at all. We also face spectators who want to see us fall. People who are so put off by the idea of adoption what they write us off as dead beat parents, lazy, or just plain heartless. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not claiming that we’re the only group of people out there who face these spectators. From my experience, however, it certainly seems that these people are allowed to stand a little bit closer to the front lines.
As I move through life as a birth mother, I look for reasons to stand tall every day. One look at the photo of my son that sits on my desk can turn an otherwise crappy day into the day I decide to live life like it’s my last day on earth. The thought that one day my son will possibly be proud of me can give me the burst of energy needed to pull myself through the week, month, or even the year. Most recently, I’ve decided to think of the spectators. That ugly little group of people who stand on the sidelines, waiting for me to fall. I will never let those spectators see me fall.
Besides, whenever a building of some significance is scheduled to be demolished, there is always a whole other group of people fighting to preserve it.
Cheers!
-Lacy
Monday, January 17, 2011
Pleased To Meet You
Hello, my name is Lacy, and I am a proud birth mother.
I was 16 years old when my life changed forever. I had been going through a very rough patch. My father had just split, my mom was working well over 60 hours a week to keep our heads above water, and the world as I knew it was crumbling around me. Then I met a boy. A very charming boy.
It wasn’t long after I started dating this boy that sex came into the picture. Six months after we started dating I discovered I was pregnant. Getting pregnant at the age of 16 was certainly not something I had planned on. Being that I was 16 years old and facing an unplanned pregnancy, I was forced to make a decision. My very first decision was to have an abortion. I even made an appointment at a local clinic. Needless to say, I never went through with it. My son’s birth father was very insistent that we keep--and parent--our child. He reassured me that he would step up to the plate, and take care of us.
After a few months passed my relationship with my son’s birth father began to fall apart. He became both physically and mentally abusive. He refused to get a job, or even attempt to get a job. On top of all the problems I was having with my relationship, I was also facing a change in my living situation. My mother’s house went into foreclosure and she was left with no choice but to sell it. We were forced to move in with my grandparents. Reality was starting to hit me.
I started thinking about adoption when I was about 5 months pregnant. I had finally got the nerve to break it off with my son’s birth father, and things between us were worse than ever. I came to the conclusion that the environment was just too toxic for my child. After all, we always want what is best for our children. I certainly couldn’t provide for this child, and his birth father was beginning to show his true colors. Adoption was the only viable option. My son’s birth father, however, was absolutely not on board. As arrogant as it may sound, I am convinced he wanted me to keep the baby so he could have a link to me for the rest of our lives. If he truly cared about our baby, he wouldn’t have physically abused me while I was pregnant. After I discussed the idea of adoption with him, things between us became much worse. He harassed me, threatened me, and taunted me with promises of signing away his parental rights. “If you get back together with me I will sign away my rights, but if you leave me I will get that baby” he would say.
I went forward with planning an adoption in spite of the birth father‘s objections. I met a couple through a close family friend. They were everything I wanted for my son. They were fun, energetic, good-hearted people. I decided to go through the agency they had been working with. I was assigned a case worker and things were moving forward.
The entire time I was planning the adoption I never stopped to worry about myself. All of my worries were focused on the uncertainties of the situation. I was never quite sure weather my baby would leave the hospital with me, his birth father, or his adoptive family. The stress was overwhelming. By the time my due date rolled around I was ready to get the ball rolling. As I previously mentioned, I never actually stopped to worry about the pain I might feel handing my baby to someone else.
My son was born on the evening of October 3rd, 2002. We gave him a name (which I assure you was lovely), but I will refer to him as Bee. I didn’t spend much time with him in the hospital. I was sore, stressed, and still racked with worries over his future. His adoptive parents were able to take him home from the hospital. Though I didn’t have him in my arms when I left the hospital, I still left feeling like a proud mother. I felt joyful and hopeful for his future. “He will accomplish great things one day” I thought.
The joy was short lived, however. A few days after leaving the hospital I was served with court papers. Bee’s birth father was going through with his promise to pursue full custody. A court date was scheduled, and off I went. I testified in a court. I spoke of all the turmoil between Bee’s birth father and myself. It was painful, and nerve-racking.
Fortunately for Bee and I, the decision was in our favor. Bee’s birth father had his rights terminated. I officially placed my son into an open adoption weeks later. And so it began…the life of a birth mother.
I’m 25 years old now and while I’m pleased with the decision I made 8 years ago, each day is a challenge. I look forward to sharing my story with everyone, and here’s to hoping I learn a thing or two along the way!
Cheers!
-Lacy
Photo by: Hilde Vanstraelen / biewoef.be
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
2011 is Unwritten
A New Year always reminds me of the Natasha Bedingfield song, Unwritten.
I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovation
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
A new year is great like that - such a fresh start.
What are you hoping the chapter of 2011 will add to the story of your life?
I leave you with the video for Unwritten. Enjoy and Happy New Year!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Remembering 9/11
One name that came up then was Tom Burnett. I remember hearing his name then but it was years later when I found out that Tom Burnett had a direct connection to adoption. I shared Tom's story here last year and will probably share it here every year on September 11th as a way to remember those who lost their lives on that day.
Tom Burrnet was on Flight 93 and was one of the passengers who helped take over the plane from the terrorists causing the plane to crash in a field in Pennsylvania. Tom Burnett, who grew up in Minnesota, was flying home to California from a business trip to New York and is said to be the leader of the attack on the cockpit that caused the plane to divert its path and crash in a field instead of its target. Tom called his wife Deena multiple times from the plane telling her what was going on and that he loved her and the three daughters they were raising.
So, you are probably thinking, “Ok, I know all this already…”
But, did you know Tom Burnett was a birthfather?
While in college, Tom Burnett’s then girlfriend became pregnant in an unplanned pregnancy. The two were opposed to abortion and initially wanted to get married and parent. Tom was very involved in the pregnancy, working two jobs to pay for medical bills and present for his daughter’s birth. Eventually, the two decided it would be best for the baby if she was placed for adoption.
Two years after the terrorist attacks, Mariah Mills, turned nineteen and was finally old enough to request her original birth certificate from the state. The name Tom Burnett was very familiar in her area and she quickly realized that her birthfather was one of the 9/11 hereos.
Unsure of what Tom’s wife, Deena, and the rest of his family knew about the adoption and how they would feel about this, Mariah’s mother sent word through the agency that had handled Mariah’s adoption that Mariah was interested in meeting her other birth relatives. It turns out that Tom had told his wife about the daughter he placed for adoption and even showed her a letter that he had been writing to Mariah over the years in the hopes that they would one day be reunited.
Mariah has ended up meeting most of her birth family, including Deena, Tom’s daughters, parents, and sisters. She has been welcomed in by most of them. She has ongoing relationships with her half sisters and Deena. She has gotten to know the type of man and father Tom Burnett was through his family and Deena was even able to give her a letter that Tom had started writing to Mariah when she was younger for the day they would be reunited.
I love a quote from a newspaper article by Tom's daughter, Maraiah, “Even if he’d never been on that plane on September 11th, he’d still be a hero to me. He gave me life and a chance with a wonderful family.”
I know that Tom Burnett was probably not the only birthparent who lost their life that day. Today, I'm remembering and thinking of all those and their families who lost their lives on September 11th, 2001.
Photo Credit
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Retail Therapy
I think regardless of whether or not you have issues to deal with almost every girl in America participates in retail therapy! It’s not good on the checkbook but it’s great for my self esteem and ego.
Perhaps you’ve never heard the term “retail therapy,” so let me explain. Retail therapy is basically the satisfaction some people get from shopping.
Looking back, I’ve always enjoyed retail therapy. In high school, it was something small. I’d buy fingernail polish in a funky color to cheer myself up if I was having a “blah” or stressful day. Fingernail polish was cheap and fun. In college, it escalated to hair accessories. Headbands, scrunchies, or clips; I had quite the collection.
Nowadays, its purses, handbags, or pocketbooks; pick your choice of titles; I love them all. I have quite a purse collection. I have big purses, little purses, handmade purses, name brand purses, off brand purses including tote bags, which are not really purses but belong in the purse family. When I’m feeling blue, if I have the extra cash, I go buy a purse.
Needless to say, I probably buy a purse every month to every other month. My favorite “store” as of lately has become eBay. You can find anything, any kind of purse. There are even people who will custom make the purse, embroidery it with your name or initials, etc. And the best part of eBay shopping: you can shop from the comfort of your own home at two in the morning in your jammies! Now it’s not just actual purses, but purse shaped picture frames, note pads, magnets, etc!
I know, I know, retail therapy is not the best kind of therapy. It can not replace traditional therapy and it could get out of hand. But right now, I have the discipline to keep it under control and enjoy buying something new for myself every so often. After all, I do deserve it!
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Photo Credit
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