Friday, March 18, 2011

Unplanned Doesn’t Necessarily Equal Unwanted

Sometimes society views adopted children as unwanted or unloved because the birth mother made an adoption plan and “gave her baby away.” Sometimes it’s assumed that she didn’t want or love her child.

Do mothers who make adoption plans really not love their children or not want them? Of course not! Just because an expectant mother is considering adoption or actively making an adoption plan or because a birthmother made an adoption plan five, ten, or even thirty years ago does not make her baby unwanted or any less loved than the woman painting her nursery pink down the street.

I didn’t try to get pregnant with Charlie and I didn’t want to get pregnant at that time in my life which is why I was on birth control in the first place. But, the unthinkable happened and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. Sure, there were times throughout the pregnancy that I thought why couldn’t this have happened a few years later when my life was in order and I was ready to parent but the circumstances were what they were at that moment in my life and wishful thinking wouldn’t change them. 

Although I didn’t want to be pregnant at that time, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want and love my baby. I loved my baby with every piece of my heart. I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning wondering what would be the best decision for my unborn baby. And once I decided to make an adoption plan, I chose the family, I asked them questions, and I got to know them over the duration of my pregnancy. I did all those things because I loved my baby. Once Charlie was born, I spent precious time with him telling him how much he was loved.

And now, even though it’s hard at times, I maintain an open adoption relationship with Charlie and his family. Just because he was placed for adoption doesn’t mean that he was unwanted or unloved.


  1. I could not of said it better!!! You have described every emotion we as birthmoms go through deciding what to do....Thanks for sharing....

  2. Perfectly said, sometimes it's hard to put into words what a birthmother feels. You did a great job. :)

  3. Great post, Coco! Even though I didn't know ahead of time, that's one of the "accusations" I've had to deal with from my own family. Love this. :-) <3

  4. Would it be ok to share this on my blog?

  5. Thanks all!

    @A Love Worth Waiting for, yes you may share it on your blog. Just link back here please. :)

  6. Excellent, well said. You spoke volumes for all of us birthmoms that have placed. I did so almost 30 years ago. Unplanned, but that didn't equal unwanted by no means. Lucy Franklin, CPAC -