Saturday, July 31, 2010

Spotlight Blogger: Meet Jill

We’re starting a new feature at the BirthMom Buds Blog and each weekend we will spotlight a different birthmom blogger. First up, we have Jill of The Happiest Sad.

First of all, tell us a little bit about yourself.
My name is Jill, I'm 26, and I live in Arizona just outside of Phoenix. I found out I was pregnant in October of 2008. I considered adoption on and off throughout my pregnancy but I simply didn't think I could do it - I'd been through too much. In the months before I got pregnant, I was fired from my job and dumped by my boyfriend, and my father had died of a brain tumor. I couldn't stand the thought of one more heartbreak. I knew my baby's father wasn't going to be much of a help, but I didn't care. I had made my choice and I was going to single parent. I gave birth on July 7th, 2009, to a beautiful little girl I call Roo for privacy reasons. I took her home, and I was her mommy. But adoption was always there in the back of my mind, and as the weeks went on I finally found the strength to do what I thought I couldn't. When she was seven weeks old, I found the family I knew was meant to be hers. I placed her with her parents, P and M, on September 9th.Roo's is an open adoption. I get regular e-mail and pictures and videos, and I've had six or seven visits since placement. My most recent visit was just after her birthday. I might be slightly biased, but I think Roo is the prettiest, sweetest, smartest one-year-old ever. She is my favorite person in the world.

I absolutely love the title of your blog- The Happiest Sad – how did you come up with that?

My mom and I were driving home from our first meeting with Roo's parents. As scary as the idea of adoption was, I knew I'd found the right family. I loved them already. I was trying to explain my feelings to my mother. I told her that I was so happy that P and M were getting a baby, I almost didn't even care that it was my baby they were getting. I was sad that she wasn't going to be mine any more, but it was the happiest sad I'd ever felt. When I thought about it later I decided the phrase was an apt description of adoption and I used it for my blog.

When and why did you begin blogging?

I started blogging two days after I met P and M, at the end of August 2009. My biggest worry with placement was that my little girl would grow up thinking I didn't love her or want her. I started the blog for her to read as she gets older, so she can see for herself how very much I love her, how I wanted more than anything to be her mommy, and how I loved her enough to do what was best for her, even though that meant placing her for adoption.

Has the response to your blog posts been mostly positive or negative or a mix of both?

I'm a lucky girl - the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I've gotten more love and support through my blog than I ever could have imagined. I'm sure there are people who take exception to some of my thoughts and opinions but they've kept quiet, for which I am grateful.

Do you have any advice for anyone else thinking of starting a blog?

I don't know if I feel qualified to give anyone advice! I guess I'd just say that if you're going to blog, do it for yourself. Don't worry about what other people might think, or what you think they want to read. Write what you feel, or what you personally would want to read.
Mostly, just write!

Thank you, Jill, for taking a few minutes to answer these questions. Be sure and pop over to The Happiest Sad and tell Jill hi!


  1. If she was meant to be theirs they would have conceived her. I always wonder if the women who relinquish have any comprehension of how much their children want them? I remember the day my parents told me I was adopted. The ground opened up and swallowed me. I wanted my mother and became panicked. That was the day my anxiety disorder started.

  2. Anonymous, I am so sorry that adoption was a traumatic thing for you, but I hope you can understand that for many people, it is a blessing rather than a curse.

    And I firmly believe that my baby was meant to be with her parents, and there's not a thing you or anyone else can say or do to convince me otherwise.

  3. Anonymous: I'm sorry it has been so difficult for you. I hope that my children will not experience the same turmoil knowing that they were adopted.

    My husband and I are trying our best to raise our children (4 years old, 2 years, and 9 months) to know they were adopted; to personally know their birth families through visits, letters, and pictures; and to know how much they are loved by us and their birth families.

    There will never be "the day" we told our children they were adopted. We talk about their birth families all the time. We have pictures of them spending time with their birth families in our scrapbooks. I can't imagine how you felt that day when you were told something as important as that; I think I would have been shocked to know that my parents would keep that information from me. I think it would be extremely difficult to not know anything about your birthparents.

    My children know they are loved by their birth families. I hope my children know that we love them even though we didn't conceive them. We couldn't have them any other way and I wouldn't change the fact that they were adopted. When we look at our children we do not see "an adopted child." We see our children, whom we love dearly. My husband and I are so thankful for our children AND for our birthmoms. They are a part of our family.

    I do feel our children were meant to be conceived and loved by their birthmoms. I do also feel that we were meant to be chosen as their adoptive parents and to be able to love them as their parents. I pray my children will always love and cherish their birthmoms but to always love and cherish me too as their mom.

    That's why we love open adoptions and our wonderful birthmoms.

  4. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story Jill!

  5. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  6. "And I firmly believe that my baby was meant to be with her parents, and there's not a thing you or anyone else can say or do to convince me otherwise"

    First of all, I just want to say I had a perfectly happy adoption. I am unsure of the exact reasons my bmom placed me although I know she truly did what she felt was best at the time. However, being the flawed human being that I am and thus capable of paradoxical feelings (and flame me if you must), I would rather the only reason my bmom didn't raise me was because she had no other option (which is likely given the times) than if she was capable of parenting but chose adoption over parenting.

    I did read your blog and I understand what you are getting at and I also know that you did do what you truly felt was best, but one thing I just ask is that you don't say to her that she was meant to be with her parents. If she herself feels that way, then let her express that to you - it is HER decision to decide where she was meant to be.

    One thing that sometimes happens with adoptees is that we aren't always allowed to be the same cantankerous, stroppy, argumentative children/adults that biologically raised people are allowed to be - we are expected to be more compliant - sometimes we are expected to act as if we owe our parents (all of them) more than other children do their parents. All I ask is that you let your child be who they are, that you listen to them and don't invalidate their feelings.