Article: Birthmothers Deserve Respect

We posted a link to this article back in May after it appeared in Newsweek on the BirthMom Buds Facebook group page but I thought it was worth posting here as well. It's a great article about why birthmothers deserve respect. Check it out here.

I love the questions and thoughts posed in the last paragraph the most.

What if we stopped pretending we lived in a world where the traditional nuclear family is the norm and accepted birth mothers into the fold of family life? We’ve certainly managed to do that in the world of reproductive medicine where we welcome offspring as biological even if the child was the product of donated sperm and egg. And we’ve somehow managed to accept a bewildering array of familial choices from multiple stepparents, two moms, or a single grandparent. But, thanks to society’s misgivings and misconceptions about adoption, birth mothers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. By indicating that placing a child for adoption is a selfish or painless choice when it’s not, or talking about birth mothers as if they were all crack-addled prostitutes or at the very least wayward youth, we not only limit a woman’s right to choose but also shut out the possibility that there are other people out there who would love to adopt. Why not try respecting these women as mothers able to make the best decision for themselves and their pregnancies—even if that decision is not to parent?

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Card Drive for Coley's son Noah

Hello!

I haven't blogged in awhile, but I wanted to make sure you all know about a special card drive for a very special boy!

In case you don't know, our founder Coley is not just a birthmom, but also SUPER-Mom to a sweet boy named Noah.  Noah is 13 and has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, scoliosis and borderline autism.  This Friday, May 28th, Noah is having major surgery to correct the curve in his spine.  It's going to be a rough surgery and recovery period, so Coley and her niece have come up with the idea of a card drive to help cheer him up- Noah LOVES to get mail.  If you have a few minutes, please consider sending a card Noah's way!  And if you know anyone else who might like to participate, please forward this information on.

Here are all the details from the lovely Coley's blog:

Noah's Card Drive

In 2002 Noah had surgery on his heel cords and hips. While it wasn't as long of a surgery, hospital stay, and recovery as this surgery will be, it was still difficult for all of us, mostly Noah though. My niece, Holly, came up with the idea of doing a "card drive" for Noah as a way to show him how much he is loved and cared for. Basically what the card drive consisted of was setting up a PO Box and spreading the word by asking people to send cards to that address for Noah.

When I was telling Holly about this surgery she suggested a card drive again and I agreed. Noah's older now and LOVES to receive mail so I think he will actually enjoy getting cards even more this time.

So once again we've set up a PO Box and are spreading the word about the card drive.

I know some of you will want to help spread the word so I've made an e-flyer and blog buttons (posted below) that you can post on your blog if you are a fellow blogger and want to do so and you can email the flyer to friends and family if you are not a fellow blogger. Feel free to link people to this post as well. 

(I also have a printable version of the flyer - if you'd like that email me or leave a comment with your email address in it.) 

Send cards for Noah to:

The Noah C. Card Drive

PO Box 1085

Inman, SC 29349.


E-Flyers 
You should be able to click on them and save them directly to your computer. If you have problems with that, let me know! There are two different versions - both totally the same but with different pictures at the top. 

Blog Buttons
(One with and one without my blog address. You can link them back to this post.)

PS.... If you post this on your blog, leave me a link so I can come say thanks. :)

ETA: Yes, you can begin sending cards NOW. You don't have to wait till the 28th. We won't show them to Noah until after his surgery when he is feeling up to it. 

The slideshow is now up.  There is a slight delay with the music that happened in the transfer. It's only a few seconds so be patient and you'll hear it. :) 

Enjoy!

May Newsletter

The May Newsletter is now up. Check it out at www.birthmombuds.com/may2010.htm. 

Birthmother's Day 2010 Retreat

Oh goodness, what an amazing time we all had last weekend. All the prep, planning, stress, and craziness paid off and we had an absolutely amazing weekend filled with lots of laughter, tears, hugs, and a sense of understanding that you can only obtain from being in a room full of other birthmothers who understand your heart.

More details will be in the newsletter but for now I leave you a group shot of all our beautiful birthmothers who I am so blessed to call friends.

Still Around!

Oh, I promise, we are still here. I'm (Coley) still here! Things are just so busy in my neck of the woods lately that blogging is taking a back seat - ya know, with running BirthMom Buds, caring for my family, and the biggest task (aside from caring for my family) planning for Birthmother's Day.

Our Mad Hatter's Birthmother's Day Tea Party is just 30 days away. Can we just say two words: Yay and Eek! Yay because I'm excited as I know many of you are and Eek because it's just 30 days away. But believe me, I'm more yay than eek! I'm so looking forward to it and we have so many fun things planned and the best part of all of it is fellowship! Making new friends, rekindling friendships with old friends, and just being in a room full of people who totally get it - it's awesome!

I know not everyone can travel all the way to our event so I encourage you to see if there is a Birthmother's Day Event in your area. If you know of one in your area, let me know and I'll post it here so others can find out about it!!

Mad Hatter's Tea Party T-Shirts

T-Shirts are available for the Birthmother's Day Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Click here for more information and an order form.

Waiting List

Because so many people have already registered for the Birthmom’s Day Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, we are now officially going to a waiting list. If you want to attend and haven't registered/RSVPed yet, you'll want to email birthmomuds@gmail.com immediately and get your name on the waiting list because as space opens up we'll offer it in order of those who got on the waiting list first.

Quote of the Week: The Beginning

"The world is round, and 

the place which may seem like the end, 

may also be the beginning."

-  Ivy Baker Priest

Photo Credit

Recap of Past Birthmother's Day Events

Written by Melanie Mosberg for the BirthMom Buds Newsletter

Birthmom Buds 6th annual Birthmother’s Day Celebration is around the corner. On Saturday, May 1st, 2010 in Charlotte, NC, birthmothers will have a day of remembrance, fun and fellowship with other birthmothers.

BirthMom Buds held their first celebration in May 2005 and I was fortunate enough to be in attendance. It was a small gathering with fellow birthmothers. I had no idea what to expect. Coley was my mentor during my pregnancy so of course I was excited to meet her in person for the first time but I was nervous as I had never really talked to other birthmothers. I was curious about their stories and experiences and the emotions they encounter. Did they feel the same way I did?

The answer is YES. All of our experiences are different however our common bond is being a birthmother and choosing life for our children and that common bond was evident as I talked with other birthmothers in attendance at BirthMom Buds' very first Birthmother’s Day event.

Coley is one of the most creative people I have ever met and have the privilege of knowing. Each year she, along with a few others, pours her heart and soul into the planning of the event by choosing a fun theme and meaningful other elements to the day. The theme each year is carried out throughout the day from the gift bags to the table arrangements and craft projects.

The theme for 2005 was “Luau for Life” and a Hawaiian luau theme was carried throughout the day complete with leis for each birthmother as she arrived. In 2006, the theme was “Pampered Princess “featuring elegant decorations. Each birthmother donned a sparkly tiara.

In 2007, we celebrated Hollywood style with the theme “You’re a Star” complete with a red carpet. And in 2008, we got tropical with a “Birthmother’s Beach Bash” and each birthmother took home a tiny little beach pail that had sea shells and sand in it. Lastly in 2009, Coley pulled off an unusual but very meaningful theme of "The Road Less Traveled" complete with centerpieces donning road signs like "Adoption Avenue" and "Reunion Way." I think you will love this year's theme!

Each year there is always a candle light ceremony, a slideshow featuring photos of our children, speakers from various different positions of the adoption triad, door prizes, fellowship, yummy food, and so much more! Last year Coley added breakout sessions to the agenda. They were educational and informative and they will return this year.

The first two years, the Birthmother’s Day Celebrations were held in Greenville, South Carolina. In 2007, I took on the task of event coordinator handling the logistics and we moved our celebration to bigger venues in Charlotte, North Carolina. The first event started out small and each year seems to get bigger and better.

If you can make it to Charlotte, NC the 1st weekend in May for the BirthMom Buds Birthmother’s Day Celebration I HIGHLY recommend it. Whether you are a car ride or plane ride away, EVERYONE is welcome. This year's chosen theme is "Mad Hatter's Tea Party" and I certainly can not wait to see what Coley does with this theme!

We've planned a weekend full of activities for those who wish to attend. We also have a discounted group rate at the hotel so please contact BirthMom Buds (birthmombuds(at)gmail(dot)com for more information.

Also, we are still looking for door prize donations and sponsors, if you are interested contact BirthMom Buds about that as well!

Change.org's 2010 Ideas for Change in America

Change,org recently launched the 2010 Ideas for Change in America. One of the ideas is about adult adoptees gaining access to their original birth certificates. Check out this link and if it is something you agree with then please vote. The 10 ideas that receive the most votes will be presented to the Obama administration and then promoted to Change.org's community of over 1 million people.

Voting ends Wednesday, Feb 24th!!


Thanks Kelsey for sharing this info!

Quote of the Week: Life is a Marathon

"Be patient and gentle with yourself. This life's journey is a marathon not a sprint."

~ Author Unknown

Photo Credit

Coping with being a Birthmom by Guest Blogger Blair B.

Being a birthmom can be a rollercoaster full of ups and downs. Everyone copes with their own adoption in their own individual ways. Some prefer to talk it out, while others get creative through scrapbooking or using other art forms to get their feelings out. No matter how you choose to cope, here are some "tips" on how to make being a birthmom a little easier.

1. After placing your child, allow yourself to experience the feelings that you are feeling and don't let anyone tell you when you should stop grieving or "get over it." We have to work through our own emotions at our own pace. So what if it doesn't match up to where someone else thinks we need to be. It's our experience, not theirs.

2. If you feel as though you are having a difficult time with your placement, talk to an adoption counselor or therapist. Talking out your feelings and/or problems with a neutral person can be so relieving and helpful. He or she can give you helpful hints on how to better deal with your grief from a professional stand point. You can also look up local birthparent support groups in your area.

3. Keep scrapbooks, pictures. and memorabilia. Remember, even though you placed your child with an adoptive family, he/she is still YOUR child. It is OK to have pictures of them around. It has helped many birthmoms be able to look back and see how far they have come in their journey. *

4. Say lots of prayers for God to keep watch over you, your child, and his or her family. Having a strong faith will carry you through the difficult periods and even help during the happy times as well.

5. Don't look at adoption as a loss, but rather as gaining another really special family. You are extending your family even further with your adoptive family. They will love you so dearly as if you were of their own flesh and blood. *

6. Be open about your adoption. The more you talk to people about it, the more confident you will feel. You will also be AMAZED at how many people are somehow connected to the adoption triangle. There are also so many people who have a negative perception of adoption. Sharing your story may teach them that adoption is a very positive process and is fulfilling to everyone involved.

7. If you do not feel comfortable talking with others about your feelings and story, journaling is an excellent outlet. Just getting out what is inside can help you tremendously in sorting out what should come next in the choices you make in the future. It is also another way to look back and see how far you have come.

8. Keep an open mind. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. Talk to your adoptive family about your needs and wants. If you don't want as much contact, let them know. If you want more, find a tactful way to talk to them about it and ask for it, if possible. You will never know until you ask. In most situations, either the birthparents or adoptive parents are hesitant to push the envelope and open up about visits, letters, and pictures. But once one side at least attempts to ask for a bit more then you will know what direction to take from there. You will also build a trust between families with communication. But all in all, keep an open mind. *

9. Think positive. As hard as it may be at times, each day is one day closer to a reunion. Try to think about happy moments with your child, whether during pregnancy, in the hospital, through visits, or even just through pictures and letters.

10. Finally, take everything ONE DAY AT A TIME! No need to rush feelings and emotions. Also no need to rush life. Take time to cry and grieve, but also take time to laugh and enjoy the life of being a birthmom.


* Notes tips that are more relevant for birthmothers participating in an open adoption.

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Quote of the Week: Price of Love

"Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."

~ Author Unknown

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February 2010 Newsletter

The February Newsletter is now up! Check it out here.