Friday, May 20, 2011

Congrats....I think?

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It’s been an interesting week.  One of our good friends and her husband just found out they’re pregnant for the first time.  I’ll bet you’re wondering how that ties in with me being a birthmother, but I think it does.

They happen to be one of the only couples Nick and I both know that don’t currently have any kids.  That makes it nice to hang out with them and not have to work around kids (babysitters and all the other considerations that go with raising children).  Obviously no more late nights out (at least for a good while), and if they bring their baby…no places that are loud (even the place where we all enjoy bowling gets really loud on weekend nights).

Though I was excited for them (even though I didn’t even know they were trying to have children), I couldn’t help the instant feeling of dread that passed through my body.  I will most likely be attending her baby shower when she has one, and of course I’ll have to deal with my own jealousy of the fact that I missed all that stuff with Mackenzie.  I didn’t know I was pregnant, yes.  But I still missed out on having a baby shower.  I missed eagerly sharing Facebook posts with all my friends while my little girl was growing inside me.  I still miss out on those things.  Though I’m becoming more open with the fact that I am indeed a birthmom, it’s not like I can post even about the day to day struggles and victories that come with raising children.

I’m happy for them.  I’ll just have to deal with the inevitable jealousy while I watch their child grow.
How do you deal with having friends getting pregnant and raising their children?  Is there a special way to cope or do you just try to ignore it and move on?


  1. It's hard. It really is. But when you are around them and the baby, anytime you're around a cute little baby, it's hard to really feel anything but ooey-gooey, you know? It's hard later, but you get used to it. If you didn't, you'd be doomed to loose all of your friends once they hit parenthood.

    I think it's not really a question of how to cope, or how to deal, but it's a question of, is it worth dealing to not loose this friend

  2. I think I focused on being happy for them really. But I buried my own feelings for nearly 22 years. I didn't even deal with them when I started having my own kids...
    It wasn't until reunion that I started dealing with it.
    Everyone is different though. The thing in common is that it's always hard.

  3. honestly, every time i hang out with others kids i think 'thank god for adoption'. i get my baby fix and all is well. im at a place in my life where im supposed to be and being a single mom wasnt a part of my equation. it reminds me how glad i am that i was smart enough to be the best mom i could be and make the right choice for him. never has it pulled at my heart strings or been hard to be around prego friends or babies/children. my friends have still continued to come to me for prego advice, shower theme ideas, how-to tips for baby care etc just like they did before i placed.

    did you not have a birthmom shower? i find that that really helps women/girls to heal and move forward in their adoption journey, because we deserve to be celebrated and honored just like any other new mother is at a 'regular' baby shower. and who doesnt love getting presents?! ;-)