BMB Retreat 2018

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One Little Word 2017

For the past 5 years, as the new year approaches, we (Coley and Leilani)  have each chosen a word of the year. The one little word concept is easy in that you just choose a single word or two to focus on throughout the year implementing that word into your life as much as possible for the year. It’s a great alternative to New Year’s Resolutions that are often hard to achieve.

Coley’s Word – I love the one little word concept and start thinking of what my word will be around December. Some years, the word comes easily to me and other years, it takes a lot of thought to finally settle on a word. Last year, my word was gratitude. And that word was so good to me! I implemented that word into my daily life by listing 10 things I was grateful for each week. I focused on the positive in my life and tried to let the negative go. As silly as it sounds, that word and the way I implemented it into my life, helped me become a happier person. So choosing a word this year was difficult because it had big shoes to fill from last year. I wanted to keep focusing on the good things in life and try and get rid of the negative, anxious thoughts in my mind so I ended up choosing the words “Be positive.” I’m implementing this little phrase into my daily life by framing it in my office, printing it out to put in the front of my planner, among other things.

Leilani’s Word - One of my favorite things about a new year is choosing a new word. This year’s word is really two words – one being plan and the other is the best part of planning; to implement what you have planned. I’ve shortened my word to P.I. which obviously stands for plan and execute. Plans only come to fruition with action so this year I will make 2017 successful by planning my family time, time with God, friends, finances, and fun. With all that planning, I will implement those plans by taking actions to complete them. I encourage each of you to come up with a word for the year. It could be something as simple as focus, which was a word I used a previous year. Pause was one of my favorite words of the year because it helped me remember to stop, breathe, and remember who I am and where I’m going when life gets busy.

Do any of you choose a word for the year? If you’ve never heard of this concept until now, it’s not too late to choose a word! If you do choose a word, we’d love to hear what your word is. Drop by our Facebook page and tell us what your word is!

First published in the Founder's Corner section of the 1st quarter 2017 newsletter.

First Quarter 2017 Newsletter

The newsletter for the first quarter of the year is now available for your viewing pleasure. Check it out here.

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BirthMom Buds Retreat 2017

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Stereotypes

It's 2016.  Adoption has been portrayed in the media in several different positive lights in recent years, and adoption stories have become less taboo.  Everywhere you look you can see adoptive families, with their radiating smiles singing the praises of the "selfless woman who placed her child with us."

So why is it still so hard to "come out" as a birth mother sometimes?

I am pretty open about my birth mother status.  I tell everyone as we get to know each other, because it is a part of who I am.  However, it isn't something that I shout from a rooftop for every stranger to hear, mostly because of one experience, and one stereotype:

I placed my middle child.  I was a young, struggling, single Mom, and I was in no place to successfully parent two children at that time.  After my adoption decision, I went on to get married, buy a house, and have a planned pregnancy.

When my youngest was born, she wasn't in the greatest of health so she was sent to a larger hospital with a NICU.  Every family was assigned a social worker to help them with whatever was needed, and (apparently) the social worker does an in depth review of everyone's files before even meeting with you.  She asked me about my family, and when I responded that we had one older child, she pushed me, and pushed me, and pushed me some more.  When I told her of my middle child's adoption, she immediately (seriously, there was no hesitation) asked, "Was CPS involved?"

And that, everyone, is the problem.

In this modern society. there is still the long held stereotype that birth moms are somehow unfit.  That we are incapable, and that we are women who have not come to the decision of adoption because we wanted to, but because we were forced to, or else risked having our children placed in foster care.

I want to fix this, but I just don't know how.  I want to scream from a rooftop that, "I am here!  I'm not unfit!  I loved my child, and I wanted the best for them!  I was realistic about my situation and realized that I wasn't the best!  That's it!"  

But no matter how loud I scream, it seems like the long held idea that I am somehow irresponsible is louder.

I made a great choice when I chose adoption, but I feel like sometimes society is punishing me for doing what was best, and that's a real injustice that is done to birth moms every day.

Photo Credit

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