Music Monday: Simple Man by Shinedown

Quote of the Week: Try!

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

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The Birthday

I've been overly emotional the past couple of weeks and, honestly, with all that is going on since my husband's accident, it's no wonder. But when the calendar changed over to March on Saturday, things started becoming clearer. My birthdaughter's birthday is just a week away, and yet each year I seem to be surprised that March starts as soon as February ends.

So yesterday, when the kids were playing outside and the house was quiet, I sat down and wrote a note to my darling daughter. As I get older, I seem to be more and more interested in connecting with Katie in a mother-to-mother way than in a I-gave-birth-to-you way. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that we are raising children about the same age at the same time. Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's all the years of debating the rights and wrongs of open adoption, closed adoption and everything in between.

It's all just so exhausting, isn't it? To constantly be held in judgment; to constantly hold myself in judgment. Sometimes I just wish all of that stuff would go away so I could just have a friendship with her. So I could just have whatever relationship develops with her. And not feel like it should be something it's not.

So that's where I'm at. I hope you are having an easier time than me right now.

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Music Monday: Lost in Paradise by Evanescence

"I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now, I'm lost in paradise

Ohhh
One day we won't feel this pain anymore
Take it all away
Shadows of you
Cause they won't let me go"

Quote of the Week: Walk Beside Me

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

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Music Monday: You Had me at Hello by A Day to Remember

"I'm missing you so much, I'll say you died tonight
Just so I can get to you before the sun will rise
I know these times are hard and I feel this too
None of that ever seems to matter when I'm holding you
And I'm wasting away, away from you"

Quote of the Week: Letting Go

 

 

 

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”

 

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The Adoptee

Everyone has some sort of adoption story, even if it's about their old neighbor or cousin or friend.

But not everybody is vocal about their journey. Many of us have kept quiet for various reasons. Regardless of our culture, we still attach a lot of shame to ourselves as birthmoms. We still keep the secret for fear if we are 'found out' people will ridicule us, put us down, or worse.

I have not been one of those people. I have been talking about my experiences very openly and very publicly for the past ten or more years. Has it been uncomfortable? Yep. Have I left a speaking engagement and cried all the way home? You bet. But have I stopped? No way. Why, you ask? Because no one else was out there telling their story, telling their side of it. I still know now, 28 years later, that that decision I made was right for my daughter and right for me. I've never wavered in that. I grieved it and let it go. I know I'm in the minority. But that's the truth.

So knowing all of that, imagine my surprise when I sat down to lunch with two people from my church last week. I didn't know either of them well and they would have said the same about me. But almost immediately, the young man called Dean tells me he's adopted, recently united with his birthmom but is now in a broken relationship with her. He answers my candid questions truthfully and within just a few minutes I am pulled into his story.

After a few more minutes I say, "Well, you know I'm a birthmom, right?" I mean, I kind of figured that's why he was telling me his story. We go to church together and even though we didn't know each other, I've spoken from the pulpit as part of my pastor's message.

He couldn't have been more surprised and immediately started asking me questions.

It wasn't until later that I realized what happened there. I'm about the same age as his birthmom and he must have identified with me to a point that he wanted me to know about and care about his story. Which I do. 

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1st Quarter 2014 Newsletter

The 2014 1st Quarter Newsletter is now live! 

Check it out here. 

Music Monday: My Immortal by Evanescence

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me,

I've been alone all along"

Quote of the Week: Key to the Universe

 

“The bad news: there is no key to the universe. The good news: it was never locked.”

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Music Monday: Lucy by Skillet

"Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today"

Quote of the Week: Courage

 

“Courage: firmness of mind in the face of extreme difficulty.”

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The Journal and the Storm

I've heard it said that if you're not currently experiencing a storm in your life you're either about to go into one or you are just getting out of one. I guess in the broad sense, that's true of all of us. Some storms are short-lived, some seem to be lifelong.

However I continue to believe that God is right beside me no matter my circumstances. That the reason I'm a follower of Jesus Christ is not so that he will insulate me from life's events but so that He will walk with me through the storm.

I love to journal. I haven't always been consistent, but am happy with myself when I am. For my birthday last June my friend gave me a journal and I have been pretty regular since then. Some days my thoughts are muddled, some days they come out like prayers. I love being able to look back over my written records of the past and see God at work, even when I didn't know it.

I've told you about my husband's accident. Here's part of the journal entry the night before his accident:

 Jesus Calling today says this: I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey.

I'm feeling very anxious tonight about all that is coming up in the next month...Help my attitude be one of thankfulness, LORD. 

Jesus Calling is a devotional book I like to read every day. Re-reading this reminds me that God is not surprised by our life's circumstances. He is not caught unawares. He always knows what's coming. We can't know, and may not want to know, but we can trust God to hold our hand and guide us through it.

Have a great day.

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2014 Slideshow Submissions

Each year BirthMom Buds creates a slideshow featuring our members and our members' children. The slideshow debuts at the BirthMom Buds Retreat and then is on the website afterwards. The slideshow is made to a different meaningful song each year, is a touching look at our members and their children, and is always a favorite among many of you.

We are looking for the following types of photos:
• Pregnancy pics
• Hospital photos
• Photos of you and your birth child if you are in an open adoption
• Photos of your child
• Photos of older birthmothers in reunion
• Photos with birthdads are good too!
• Triad photos – adoptive parent(s), birth parent(s), and child

Basically, send us your favorite photos and we will choose what fits the song and story line.  We will use at least one of the photos that every person sends and more as they pertain to the story line. High resolution photos are best.

If you send us your pictures you are giving us permission to use them. It’s your responsibility to OK the use of your child’s pictures from their adoptive parents. Once you email them to us, we will respond letting you know we have received them. If you don't hear from us in a couple of days after submitting your photos, it probably means that we did not receive them so please check in with us.

Please email photos to birthmombuds@gmail.com and put “slideshow pics” in the subject line. Also, please put your name, your child’s name, your child’s age, and adoption type, and any other pertinent information regarding the people or what's going on in the photos you are submitting.

Check out past slideshows to get a feel for what types of pictures we like to use:

A Birthmother's Love (2006)
A Birthmother's Wish (2007)
A Birthmother's Hope (2008)
Never Alone (2009)
You’ll be in my Heart (2010)
A Beautiful Goodbye (2011)
Dream Big (2012)
It's Not Easy (2013)

Deadline for submissions is April 1, 2014.