Each one of us has a very different story and different people who share in our journey or may have chosen to take leave from our lives because of it. While my particular story may not speak directly to everyone, I think we can relate to the importance of those around us; either because we experienced their love and support or because we did not.
I have been blessed by an amazing outpouring of love and support from my family throughout this entire journey. I know for some this is not the case. I cannot imagine how difficult that can make an already difficult decision, followed with years of silent suffering. For those of you who do not have the support of family, I pray there is someone there that is your support when you need someone to lean on. If you don't then my door is always open to you. It makes such a difference having people around you who fully accept your story and know your pain.
My pregnancy and decision to place my son for adoption were filled with so many emotions. I was constantly up and down, I was angry when I didn't know what to do. I was sad and scared when I thought of what was to come and what I would have to do. Each and every moment was draining. I have never experienced so many emotions, along with the physical struggles I faced. It seemed, at times, that there was no way I could continue this journey. As a teenager, I was already difficult to deal with. I had an attitude and felt I always knew what was best and I never wanted the opinion of others. The difficult decision I was making only made it all worse. My family was facing their own struggles during this time as they discerned how best to help me. I know it was not easy for them either, and I did my best to make it even harder. Looking back I can't even explain everything that happened or what all I felt. I struggled through those months, I kicked and screamed my way through each decision, desperately trying to find a way that I could be the parent my son deserved.
Through it all my family was right there by my side, even when I wanted nothing less. They refused to let me go through it all alone. When my health worsened they all stepped it up even more. I had no choice in what was happening to me at that point in it all, but they all had a choice, and they chose me. They chose Aidan. I owe my family everything. Their love and support is what got me through each and every moment, even when I didn't know it. Their encouragement is what has made me who I am. It made me a strong person with a will that does not give up, even when giving up is all I want to do. To this day they are my support system. Since the birth of my son I have gained more people into my support system, but the power of my family remains strong. They love Aidan. They accept him and me and our journey. They remind me of my sacrifice and the great decision that I made. They show me my strength and love me when I do not feel strong. While they cannot take away any of the pain, they do their best to help ease it.
I know how blessed I am to have such an amazing support system behind me, beside me, or beneath me when I need to be carried. So many others are not as lucky. I have talked with so many birth moms whose family's do not accept their decision, or acknowledge their child. For all of you, I am deeply sorry. Reach out to someone. I may not know your story, but you know mine. I am always willing to listen. I have known the support, and seen the struggle of others who are lacking it. I have the opportunity to share my story with you, feel free to share with me as well! Stay strong!
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