Quote of the Week: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow."
~ Albert Einstein

Quote of the Week: Friendship is Born

Friendship is born at the moment when one says to the other, "What, you too? I thought I was the only one." 

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Adoption Storyline on MTV's 16 and Pregnant

Some of you may have heard of one of MTV's newest documentary series, 16 and Pregnant. In each episode, cameras follow a sixteen year old expectant mother through her pregnancy and the first few weeks and months after the baby's birth.  Thus far, each of these young Moms has parented her baby. 

This Thursday night (the 16th) is the season finale of 16 and Pregnant and this episode will feature a 16 year old expectant Mother named Catelynn who is making an adoption plan for her unborn baby. And of course in true TV fashion, it's unclear if this young Mom only considers adoption or if she follows through with an adoption plan so I guess we'll just have to wait and watch to see what happens!

Verse about Remembering

Although adoption isn’t always joyful for me as a birthmother and there has been pain in my life as a result of adoption, I’m still glad that my son is a part of my life and can’t picture my life with out him in it. This verse reminds me of that. 

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
~ Philip. 1:3

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Quote of the Week: Head Decision

"Adoption is a head decision.
The heart never 'gives up' a child for adoption."
- M.P.N."

July Newsletter

The July Newsletter is now up! Check it out at www.birthmombuds.com/july2009.htm. 

Quote of the Week: Everything a Miracle

“There are only two ways to live your life; one as though nothing is a miracle and the other as though everything is a miracle.”
~ Albert Einstein 

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Happy 4th of July!

Wishing all of our US members a happy and safe 4th of July!

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Tips for Searching

This week's post is written by guest blogger, Jill.......

I’m going to suggest you register with as many on-line search registries as you can possibly join. Give as much information as you have. 

1) Keep good records. Write down every site you’ve joined along with user name and password.
2) Keep your e-mail address current. 
3) If you have a name look at social networking sites such as Facebook, My Space, Twitter and so on.
4) If you’ve used an agency ask them to add your contact information to your file.
5) If you have a name, try looking up the name on the internet by doing a Google search. Also, check out sites like www.anywho.com - will give you an address and phone number if listed. Good if the parents have moved out of state. There are other phone number look ups available. Don’t just try one – try as many as you can. You never know!
6) Public Records – If you know the name and city you can check out public records such as voter’s registration, tax records, etc. Check both county and city records. 
7.) Contact the county adoption clerk in the city your adoption would have been filed at. They may not be able to help you but they might give you some tips for your particular city/state.
8.) Also if you have a name, checkout www.classmates.com 
9.) Register with any on line search registries you can. Some that I’ve looked at are:
www.ISRR.net - International soundex reunion registry
www.genesearch.com - Adoption Search Registries and Reunion Resources listed by state.
www.abcadoptions.com - Adoption records by state. Helps you by giving your state laws.
www.adoption.com - This one is huge, multi links from a variety of names. 
www.abcadoptions.com

There are also paid online search sites such as Omnisearch - I’ve had limited luck with those. I did find some long lost friends though. Good Luck!

Take Your Time

The decision of whether or not you should make an adoption plan for your unborn baby is not one that should be rushed into. It is a decision that takes a lot of thought, contemplation, and soul searching.

I think often times expectant mothers may feel rushed into making a decision of whether or not they will place their baby for adoption. The impending due date may feel like an alarm clock. You may feel like you need to have chosen a family and have everything planned and in place before the baby arrives. 

I totally get that. I was that way during my own pregnancy. I’m a planner by nature, so I needed everything mapped out, planned out, and figured out long before my due date in order to feel ok about things. 

I also get that you may want to choose adoptive parents as quickly as possible so that you can have time to get to know them better, bond with them, and spend time with them for the duration of your pregnancy. For me, I did have peace of mind that I knew Charlie’s parents pretty well by the time they were leaving the hospital with him in tow since I had spent a lot of time with them during my pregnancy. 

But, I also totally understand that this is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever have to make so don’t let that impending due date rush you into making a decision about whether or not you should parent or make an adoption plan. And don’t let the time crunch you may be feeling make you rush into choosing a family for your child. Don’t settle. Even if your due date is very close, if you haven’t found a family that meets what you are looking for, keep looking. Keep searching. If it is meant to be, it will happen. 

Just because your baby may arrive is not going to make him or her any less desirable. If your baby is born and everything is not planned and you are moving forward with an adoption plan, it can still be done! Take your time!

Two are Better than One

“Two are better than one. If one falls down, his friend 
can help him up. “
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

Lani and I both love this verse and had this verse in mind when BirthMom Buds was created. It is a reminder that with a friend, someone to walk the road with you and be supportive, the journey is easier and you are there for one another. 

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Quote of the Week

“Giving birth does not make a mother….
Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.”
~ Unknown

Songs Related to Adoption

If you know me, you know I love music. I love how I can put a song on and it instantly eiter fits my mood or changes my mood. Since becoming a birthmom, I’ve collected a little list of songs related to either adoption or songs related to a Mother’s love for her child. Sometimes it might not be the entire song that touches me but a particular verse or the chorus.

Below is my personal list of my top 25 songs related to adoption and a Mother’s Love. 

1. Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
2. I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
3. If My Heart Had Wings by Faith Hill
4. How do I Live Without You by LeAnn Rimes
5. The Promise by Tracy Chapman
6. God Speed (also known as Sweet Dreams) by Dixie Chicks
7. I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan
8. Lullaby in Blue by Bette Midler
9. Find your Wings by Mark Harris
10. My Heart will Go On by Celine Dion
11. Forever Young by Bob Dylan
12. Think of Me by Mark Schultz
13. One Sweet Day by Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey
14. What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
15. Hold on for One More Day by Wilson Phillips
16. What Might Have Been by Little Texas
17. One More Day by Diamond Rio
18. My Wish by Rascal Flatts
19. Held by Natalie Grant
20. Pray for Me by Michael W. Smith
21. Butterfly by Mariah Carey
22. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
23. Secret by Reba McIntire
24. Voice In My Head by Dixie Chicks
25. Everything to Me by Mark Schultz
    

Now, what is YOUR favorite song related to adoption or your love for your child?

Entrustment Ceremonies

As you are making an adoption plan, you may have heard the words “entrustment ceremony” but not really understand what it is or what it is all about. 

Entrustment ceremonies are becoming more common nowadays. Although, they are not for everyone. It’s something you should learn about and consider but not feel forced into doing it if it doesn’t feel comfortable to you. 

So, what exactly is an entrustment ceremony, you ask? An entrustment ceremony is an adoption ritual that acts as a symbolic gesture of the transferring of the parental role from the birthmother to the adoptive parents. Entrustment ceremonies can give a birthmother the chance to symbolically say goodbye and provide a little closure. There is no right or wrong way to hold an entrustment ceremony – it can be tailored to the needs and desires of the people involved.

An entrustment ceremony also can ease the transition period at the time the adoptive family takes the baby home. This works in two ways: the birthmother does not feel like she is abandoning her baby and is not left in limbo waiting for the final court date, and the adoptive family do not feel like they are “kidnapping” someone else’s child. Adoptive families also have less concern about the “finalization” legally, which is especially important in an open adoption as they will most likely feel less “threatened” by the birthmother, and it may be easier to welcome her into their lives sooner. 

An entrustment ceremony can also take the adoption process out of the legal system and into the hearts and minds of those participating, which is really what adoption is about in the first place.

The term entrustment ceremony sounds fancy but it doesn’t have to be. It could be something as simple as going around the room and saying how you feel or more elaborate with a clergy person present. You can choose to read a special poem aloud, play a meaningful song, or light a candle. Some adoptive parents and birth parents use the entrustment ceremony as a time to state your intentions, hopes, and desires for each others’ future. If a birthmother already has a child or children, they can participate in the ceremony as well by either just being present or perhaps giving the baby a special drawing or a letter.

For more information on entrustment ceremonies visit the Entrustment Ceremony page on BirthMom Buds. 

A Healing Prayer

A Healing Prayer
-- Author Unknown --

I am capable. I am worthwhile.
I am beautiful. I am lovable.
I shall accept both my strengths
and my weaknesses for they are me.

I shall never again believe the lie
that if I make a mistake, 
I am a mistake.
My mistakes are the learning tools
that I shall encounter on my journey.

When I learn from my mistakes,
I give them meaning
When I give my mistakes meaning,
I can begin to forgive myself,
I can begin to heal.

I shall not use my mistakes as excuses
to give up on me.
My mistakes are not me.
I shall seek the wisdom to nurture
my heart, mind, body, and soul
so that I may feel more centered.

Providing an energy reserve that allows
me to climb the mountains in my own life,
Providing an energy reserve that allows
me to love and support others
who are climbing a different mountain, 
providing an energy reserve that allows
time for friends, play 
and the celebration of life.

I shall allow myself to feel capable
so that I may seek excellence.
I shall allow myself to feel sadness
so that joy may return.
I shall allow myself to feel joy
so that I may be revitalized.
I shall allow myself to feel afraid
so that I may find courage.
I shall allow myself to feel alone
so that I may know me.
I shall allow myself to feel beautiful
so that I may feel free.
I shall allow myself to feel lovable
so that the loving may seek me.
I shall allow myself to feel pain
so that I may heal.
I shall allow myself to feel worthy
so that I may fulfill my purpose.

I take responsibility
for creating my own life story
through the choices I have made;
to blame others is to give away
my personal power.

Who will I allow to write
the next chapter of my life?
I shall seek the courage to believe
in a loving God who will
laugh with me in the sunlight or
cry with me in the darkness.
I shall make a small difference on this planet
through the work I do.
When I leave I will have done my share.

I shall live, love, laugh, 
and learn on my journey.

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