One Day at a Time

Five years after placement and a simple word, a picture, or a memory can refresh my tears and sadness.  I've been down this road before, actually more times than I can count or want to admit to.   

I'm sure you have been there, as well.  It is not a pleasant place to be.  Who knows how long this episode may last or if you'll need help working through it.  No matter what the case may be, every one's path is different.   

Right after placement there were certain things you did, or said to help you express your grief and work through it.  There may have even been someone there with you holding you up when you couldn't stand.   Whatever the case may be, and with each round of fresh grief you find things that do and don't work for you. Through this healing process the episodes become less frequent and less painful.  

So when a fresh round surprises you, remember what has worked for you in the past and continue to move forward and heal.  Its okay to feel what you're feeling, don't suppress it.  Allow yourself the time and space you need to work through all the emotions.  Don't let anyone hurry you through your process.  

My latest episode was on Sunday when I was attending church and a woman was talking about her newest and second adoptive son of three months.  Her 5 year-old son was so excited about their new addition and how their family felt complete.  She was being so great at hiding her excitement, but tears of joy were showing.  Her tears were contagious, but mine were filled with sadness, for I knew that I didn't feel complete.

I left the room to express my grief through more tears and was greeted by some great friends who lent me their shoulders.  No questions asked, just a simple act of unconditional love and allowing myself to express sorrow.  

That is one example.  Whatever the case may be for you, don't feel rushed.  Also don't try another's path, it may not work for you.  This is your story, your grief, your sorrow.  Fine tune the process, but keep going one day at a time.

What worked for you in the beginning?  How has it changed?  What do you do now?  What didn't work for you?  Share your thoughts, they might help another birth mother.