Calling Someone Else Mom

I didn’t really give a lot of thought to how I would feel hearing my child call someone else Mom when I was pregnant and making an open adoption plan. And I don’t think it is something typically mentioned by adoption agencies or other adoption professionals so it’s just one of those things that blindsides some of us (me!) when it actually happens.

I was emotionally unprepared for that first time that I heard Charlie call A “Mommy.” It was a heartbreaking moment and at first, I didn’t even realize what he’d said and who he had said it to. Then after a minute, it hit me that he’d said Mommy and it was not directed towards me.

Of course, my brain wants this. My brain wants Charlie to be bonded with A, love her unconditionally, and call her “Mom.” That’s what I wanted when I originally made my adoption plan ten years ago and that hasn’t wavered with time. I want him and her to have the same relationship any other Mother and son would have. I want him to run to her when he is hurt or sad and I want him to run to her when he is excited and happy.

My brain wants all of that but my heart is a different story. It’s painful and tugs at my heart I hear Charlie call A Mom. Ten years in, I have gotten used to hearing Charlie call A Mom and it doesn't bother near as much now as it did that first. I think that first time really solidified the loss of my motherhood.

Have you dealt with this yet? How did you handle it?

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